So Happy Together

It's called IGT

2012-01-02T01:26:00.000-05:00

I feel like I finally have answers after over 8 months of part-time, or in my mind unsuccessful, breastfeeding. I listened to this pod-cast about insufficient glandular tissue (breast hypoplasia) and it all started to make sense. I don't have all of the common physical characteristics. Between the characteristics I do have and our journey of Levi's weight loss and my inability to stimulate my supply, there is enough to cause me to believe I have a mild-moderate case of IGT. I make about 2-3oz of milk every feeding, with the help of herbs AND Domperidone. After joining an IGT support group on Facebook, I realize that my IGT is nowhere near as bad as it could be. Some women only make that much in a DAY. I'm very lucky that I can give Levi as much milk as I do.

But being part of the group has also helped me redefine what successful breastfeeding is. I thought that because I couldn't give him all the milk he needs that I wasn't successfully breastfeeding. But really, whatever I'm able to give him and keep going is worth it. I AM a breastfeeding mother. It may not look like what most people think of as a "normal" breastfeeding relationship, but that doesn't matter. I don't need to qualify myself as a part-time breastfeeder, or a supplementer. I give Levi every drop that I can. I breastfeed, and that's important for me to say.

If you think you may have IGT, if you struggle with chronically low milk supply in spite of great efforts to boost production, go here as a start for self-diagnosis. Hopefully, as more people learn about IGT, more mothers like me can get the help they need to be SUCCESSFUL, no matter what that looks like.

Merry Christmas!!

2012-01-01T23:30:00.001-05:00

We had a lovely Christmas with family. We started at home opening gifts from Santa and exchanging gifts as a family. We headed to Christmas Day worship service at The Vine, which was awesome. We had brunch after church at G-Mom's house... we should definitely make Christmas Day french toast a tradition!! And we ended the day by traveling up the mountain for Christmas dinner at Grandma and Granddad's house. Here are some pics from the day!!

Mom had a quilt top made by my great-grandmother quilted by my great-aunt. So special.

The YEAST monster

2011-12-17T00:36:00.000-05:00

I've been a little behind on blogging, and I've been putting off writing this post for some unknown reason. But several weeks ago, heck it may have been a couple of months now, Levi and our diapers had YEAST! We were visiting the pediatrician for something totally different and he very nonchalantly said, oh and this is a yeast rash on his bottom, just get some whatchamacallit cream and it's no problem. He said basically any diaper rash that lasts more than a couple of days is yeast.

Yeast rashes can be a REAL problem when using cloth diapers. First, you can't use any of the tried and true creams that really knock out the yeast rash with cloth. Second, it can be a real ordeal to get the yeast out of the diapers so that baby and diapers don't keep passing it back and forth.

My first priority was getting Levi some relief. So we ran out for a pack of disposables (BOO) and started using the cloth safe cream we had. I also ready here that disposable wipes (which is what they use at daycare) can feed yeast. They were great about me bringing cloth wipes to school until the rash was gone. The cream we had didn't work after a few days, so I started scouring the internet for other yeast solutions. But our friend Meghan stumbled upon this blog and suggested coconut oil.

Coconut oil is a miracle worker!! It has anti-fungal properties and cleared Levi's rash up in less than 24 hours. Plus it's cloth safe, so we can continue to use it in the future! I bought a big jar at our local organic grocery store for $7. I scooped some out and sent a small container to school, put a small container in the diaper bag, put a small jar in the nursery, and still have about half the jar in the kitchen! We've also had a problem with a yeast rash around his mouth on his face from his lala, coconut oil is safe to use there too (I had been using my nipple cream, which is much more expensive).

Next was the diapers. I was afraid to put the diapers back on Levi until our whole stash had been washed a couple of times with the yeast regimen. I continued to use the yeast washing regimen for 2 weeks after his rash was gone on his bum to make sure it was gone from the diapers too. I pulled from several articles and blog posts online and came up with the following routine:

1. Cold rinse with 20 drops Grapefruit Seed Extract dissolved in 2 oz of filtered water
2. HOT wash (turned water heater up to 130 degrees from 120) with regular cloth detergent and OxoBrite oxygen cleaner
3. Extra cold rinse
4. Dry on high in dryer (most recommend sun but my laundry line is still in the box, hopefully we can put it out next spring)

This is what worked for us. I will forever sing the praises of coconut oil because I saw how quickly it brought Levi relief... and it's super CHEAP compared to other diaper creams! I hope your baby never gets a yeast rash, but if they do, I hope this blog helps you!!

Levi you are 8 months old!

2011-12-07T23:14:00.009-05:00

Levi you are 8 months old. You weigh 17lbs and 3.5oz. You still insist on doing the army crawl and show no interest in being on all fours. You are pulling up on lots of things and love standing in your crib. You babble an awful lot, and I think you've said "bye bye" a couple of times on purpose, but I can't prove it! You love to clap your hands...

But this is your latest trick! You show no signs of understanding any of the baby sign language we've tried to teach you, but you can do touchdown! We are still breastfeeding part-time, and you have bitten me with your ONE tooth once that actually injured me. THAT wasn't fun. You are eating more solids at night, and though you don't like every food the same, the only thing you absolutely refuse to eat is bananas. You have had a pretty nasty cold for the last couple of weeks. You had a cough settle in to your chest and you've been taking breathing treatments in the morning and before bed. I think you've almost kicked it though!

Your First Thanksgiving

Pulling up!

Sweet boy

Levi you are 7 1/2 months old... and your mommy is a slacker!

2011-11-21T11:17:00.011-05:00

Levi is doing all kinds of fun things these days. He has perfected the Army crawl that looks more like the butterfly stroke on dry land. Whatever it is, it works to get him where he wants to go... which is usually the power strip where the keyboard is plugged in or straight to the dog water bowl! Yek! He started clapping his hands on Halloween. I put him on the floor so that I could put my costume on and when I looked down at him, he was sitting there clapping! :)

Since I blogged last about Levi, he's gone on 2 big trips (one on a plane), had his first big fever :(, had 3 haircuts, gone to 1 wedding, 2 funerals :(, and 1 football game. We lost our sweet GP in September, he will be sorely missed. He did get to meet and love on his great-grandson though. Matt's friend from high school's step father also died. I was working, so Matt dressed Levi up and took him to the funeral solo. Here's a pic of Levi and GP:

Levi went with us to a wedding in Maryland, his first plane trip, where he promptly got a horrible fever as soon as we arrived. His fever lasted about 24 hrs and at times was over 104. We didn't know that until after we got a thermometer though! **PS Don't get a flu shot within a week of anything important. The pediatrician said that side effects can appear up to 1 week after (about the time Levi got his fever).

Yes, Levi has had 3 haircuts! I know it's bad luck, but the kid's hair was out of control! I had to cut it before his 6 month pictures with Melody Hood b/c there was a really long piece hanging in front of his ear. Then once I cut it, I've had to keep it trimmed because it grows like crazy. Oh well, he's much better groomed!!

Here are some 6 month pics (notice his hair trimmed around his ears):

Hilary came to visit for Halloween:

cutest little Piglet ever!

And 7 month pics:

Whew! Now I'm all caught up and ready for the holiday season!!

The Mompetition

2011-11-15T00:57:00.003-05:00

Two very dear friends of mine, whom have been out of touch in recent months, used the very same phrase in our first reconnecting conversations with each other. They mentioned that they "didn't have it together." One friend in particular admitted that she hadn't called me because she was having a hard time staying on top of things and that I appeared to have adjusted to motherhood without missing a beat and seemed to have it all together. [HA!]

First of all, if that were true my last post before this one wouldn't be about my son being 5 months old when he is now 7 months old! If I had it all together, my blog would be up to date!

But seriously, these conversations have troubled me deeply and brought me to a very serious realization. Two of my dearest friends (who do not know each other at all) were each going through some very difficult times ALONE. One friend I know was too intimidated by her perception of others that she didn't feel as if she could reach out when she needed someone.

We women are relational creatures, and part of being relational creatures is comparing ourselves with others. This can be very dangerous to our emotional health if we are in a vulnerable place. She works full time and teaches Sunday School, I should be able to do that. She works out 3 times a week and is in the best shape of her life after having a baby, I should be able to do that. She doesn't feed her family fast food at all, I should be able to prepare a healthy meal for every meal we eat. She cloth diapers full time, I should be able to do that. She has quiet time every day with God for 30-60 minutes, I should be able to do that. She makes all her own baby food, I should be able to do that. She continued to breastfeed after going back to work, I should be able to do that. Her house is always so clean, I should be able to do that. She grows her own vegetables and composts, I should be able to do that. The problem is that when we do this comparison, these women are never the same person!! The one who finds time to work out, probably has a dirty house. The one who teaches Sunday School, may feed her baby jar food. The one who prepares healthy meals for her family, may use disposable diapers. But for some crazy reason, we feel like we should be able to do it ALL. Hence, the mompetition.

We expect to be able to do it all, even though no one ever could. And because of our feelings of inadequacy when we can't do it all, we withdraw from one another and feel isolated. When really, the mom that you compare yourself with, the one you think has it all together, feels like a complete failure. And funniest of all, she looks at you and thinks you have it all together too.

Levi you are FIVE months old!

2011-09-06T12:25:00.009-04:00

I can't believe my baby is 5 months old! You are turning into such a sweet, cool little person. You are very happy all the time. You love people and will let anyone hold you (which I appreciate when it's time to drop you off at school). This weekend was your first Labor Day Party and Grandma and Grandad's house and you were the star of the show. You let Grandma take you all over the place and meet lots of new people and you never cried once about being away from us. You really are an easy baby!

The Labor Day Party was also our first game day!! We lost this one by 1 point, but we've got lots to build on.

You loved the music!

You love the animals, and Einstein loves you back... not sure about the girls. Isis did love on you the other day until you pulled her tail! Hurley is STILL mad that you took away her Mama and every time you try to pet her, she steps out of your reach.

Your new trick is sitting up! You aren't very good at staying up for a long time, but you can sit up for 20-30 seconds at a time, sometimes longer if you prop yourself up on your arms. You are scooting all over your crib, inchworm style. You don't use your arms, you push with your legs and use your forehead to hold you up. It's SO funny.

Sitting up like a big boy!

We started giving you cereal and you really seem to like it this time. You try to take the spoon away from us! We tried giving it to you a few times when you were 4 months old and you were not ready. You got MAD actually :) I think we are going to try solids soon once you get the hang of cereal.

I measured you about a week ago and you were 26" long! We are looking at big boy car seats, because you will probably outgrow the infant seat in length long before you reach the weight limit. I weighed you about a week ago and you weighed 15lbs 1oz.

Here you are eating your "5 months" sign...

That sweet face melts my heart!

You are a very sweet and cuddly baby boy! You remind me of another little boy that's not so little anymore... SNIFF

The End is Near

2011-09-01T22:19:00.002-04:00

No I'm not talking about the East Coast Earthquake, hurricane Irene or any other of the natural disasters that have folks beating down the doors of their local church for fear of the Apocalypse. I'm talking about my breastfeeding journey. My heart is absolutely breaking into pieces as I write this.

As I've said before, breastfeeding was by far the most important thing for me to do for my baby and the one part of being a mother that I looked forward to most. As my 4 regular readers know, it has been anything but an easy journey. Hell, it hasn't even been a bumpy road. It's been an all out mud-crawling-military-obstacle-course-fit-for-a-movie (think Officer and a Gentlemen). After trying everything under the sun to get a full milk supply to come in, I finally came to peace with the fact that I would be a part-time breastfeeder. We had a schedule that worked for us and I really was happy with it, if I couldn't breastfeed exclusively. I had enough to feed Levi any middle of the night feedings, and 2 early morning feedings (around 6 and 8am). These are the least convenient times of day for me to deal with bottles, so really I couldn't complain. He had a supplemental bottle for his 11:30, 3:00 and 6:00 feedings after I breastfed him. And I pumped once after he went to bed, before I retired. This schedule worked for us for a good 2.5 months or so.

I started noticing last week a slight decrease in what I was pumping during the day at work. I had been pumping around 2 oz each session, meaning I was making between 2 and 3 oz per feeding. Levi started pulling off and throwing his head back and whining and fussing during recent feedings, I now know it's because I'm not producing as much milk as I used to. On Tuesday my monthly visitor returned. This is bad news. It means that since going back to work, the breast pump is not doing a good enough job getting milk out to keep my prolactin hormone levels high enough to keep my period away. The more the prolactin levels fall, the less milk I make and the more likely that my visitor will stay. In just two short days my production has plummeted. I don't even think I have enough to get him full in the morning without a bottle now. I barely have anything to give him and he is getting frustrated with the process.

I'm not greedy. Sure I wanted to breastfeed exclusively, but I gave up on that months ago. I just wanted to keep going as we were as long as he and I still wanted to, at least a year. This is all happening so fast. It's so sudden, so early, I'm just not ready for it. My heart is absolutely breaking. I'm hurting in a deeper place than I ever knew my soul to go. I can't feed my baby. My body was made to do this and it continues to fail me at every turn. I try to remind myself that I am grateful. I'm grateful for the medical advancements of the last century. 100 years ago, I wouldn't have a son now. He would have died months ago of starvation. I know that. But it still doesn't take away the pain I feel in this very deep place. I just want to feed my baby. I JUST WANT TO FEED MY BABY!! I want to feed my baby and I can't and I feel like I'm being punished for something I didn't do. This feels so unfair.

Well-meaning friends and medical professionals tell me it will be better next time, my next breastfeeding experience will be a breeze, it will be better with the next baby. That's great, but I'm not trying to feed the next baby. I'm not holding and consoling the next baby. I'm not looking into the frustrated hungry face of the next baby who just wants to nurse and get milk. Nope, I just want to feed THIS baby. We'll worry about the next one when s/he gets here.

I realize I'm a control freak, but why did it have to be this. Why was THIS the avenue to teach me some stupid lesson about letting go, blah blah blah. There's nothing I can do to MAKE my body make milk. And that's just the end of it. Just like that. It's gone and I can't do anything to get it back.

Levi you are 4 months old!!

2011-08-19T15:34:00.009-04:00

My sweet GROWING boy! You started rolling over from back to belly regularly on July 28th, just one week before your 4 month birthday. You've rolled over a couple of times from belly to back, but not with any consistency. For now, you roll over onto your belly in your crib, then you get mad about being on your belly so you cry! Most nights you settle down and sleep on your belly, but it depends.

To wean you off the swaddle (which you LOVED and worked like a charm to keep you asleep for the first 3 months), we introduced a "lovie". It's a little animal/blanket that is a grey and white dalmatian. You LOVE sleeping with your lovie. You tuck it under your arm or lay on top of it when you are on your belly. Sometimes you even put it over your face to block out the light so that you can sleep. It's really sweet how much you cuddle with it to go to sleep.

You started school this month. You love your teacher Miss Debbie and all the babies in the class. I can tell you enjoy school and being with the other babies. You even have a little girl friend. She's 8 months old, the little minx, and her name is Delilah. She loves to give you hugs! I appreciate that your school is so close to my office. I try to come to the school and feed you myself about once a week.

You are still very interested in the animals and love to watch them. They were playing the other day and got a little too loud so you yelled at them! They froze in their tracks; it was hilarious! You still love to read books and you help turn the pages. Your favorite game is pat-a-cake. You seem to enjoy bath time sitting in your Bumbo seat (this is not an approved use of the Bumbo, but it works!). I use the little hand held shower attachment on you and you love watching the water spray out and touching it. You even tried to put it in your mouth the other evening and were surprised when you got sprayed in the face. You did this repeatedly and I was cracking up at you!

You are still growing like a weed. This post is a bit late, but you currently weigh 14lbs 10 oz. I think you were around 14lbs 2 oz at exactly 4 mos. I'm so bad for not keeping closer track! You are still very long. We started looking at convertible car seats this week because you are quickly outgrowing your infant carrier. The limit is 30" in length and we are sure you will be there way before you hit the 22lb weight limit!!

We tried feeding you cereal 3 times (one evening, the next morning and evening). You cried a lot so we assumed you weren't ready yet. We will try again soon.

I love you my sweet little boy! I eat your cheeks up daily and get sad thinking about the arrival of the day you won't want my kisses!

always smiling!

I love your fluffy little bum!

haha!! Your funny faces crack me up!

SO BIG!!!

1st bath picture. You love the water!

Levi you are 3 months old!

2011-07-18T16:15:00.008-04:00

OK, so you are 3 and 1/2 months old! You actually had your 4 month check-up with Dr. Coffman a little early. You weigh 14lbs 1oz, your head is 16.5" around, and you are 25.5" head to heal! That puts you in the 70th percentile in weight, the 75th in head circumference and the 90th in length!! We have no idea why you are so LONG, Mommy and Daddy (at 5'2" and 5'9") are not tall people!

Things you have been doing for a while now include smiling (since you were 3.5 weeks), babbling and cooing (since you were 6 weeks), laughing at things you think are funny, holding your head up and watching things move around the room, supported sitting, and supported standing. Recently you have noticed our dogs more and you love to watch them. Mommy helps you pet them and it is so sweet. You are kicking your legs during diaper changes and scooting around your crib in your sleep. You have been turning to sleep on your side some and you are really close to rolling over from back to belly. As for belly to back, we may never know, you HATE tummy time! Last week you started putting things in your mouth, and just in the last few days you have discovered your FEET!

Dr. Coffman recommends starting solids at 4-6 months, starting with rice cereal. I think we will wait until you can look more straight ahead while sitting in your Bumbo instead of down. We may have to force some tummy time on you to help with that! You are growing up too fast and we want to punch rewind a little! What a sweet and precious boy you are, we love you so much!

You're getting SO BIG!!

What a looker you are! Mommy calls you a "lady killer"! :)

You are such a happy boy!

I'm so glad I didn't quit

2011-07-06T00:45:00.003-04:00

I'm so glad that I didn't give up on breastfeeding. I still don't have a full supply, and Levi takes a supplemental formula bottle after most feedings. I still have to pump AND wash bottles (the most inconvenient parts of each type of feeding). But I'm still glad I didn't quit.

The time I have with Levi when he is breastfeeding is so precious. I love it. It's time that I have him and no one else can give him what I give him. Yes, it comes with it's challenges. Yes, he gets distracted and goes through phases of "playing" with his food that doesn't feel very good. But each phase of difficulty has passed and it's still enjoyable most of the time.

I wish more people would embrace that feeding doesn't have to be one or the other. Breast is definitely best, but when it doesn't work out as a full-time option, I wish that more moms felt ok about doing it part-time. I think the reason that women feel they have to give it up altogether if they can't do it full-time is absolutely the fault of the breastfeeding advocacy community. I've always been a HUGE breastfeeding advocate, and a bit snobish about it (remember). But I think this is where the breastfeeding community gets in its own way. There is so much pressure to breastfeed, that every other form or combination of feeding is shunned. Even with as hard as I tried to make full-time breastfeeding work, knowing that I have NOTHING to be ashamed of, I would still never pull out a formula bottle at a Le Leche League meeting for fear of being burned at the stake. I think that's incredibly unfortunate. Imagine how many more babies could be getting good milk from their mommies, if only their mommies felt ok about breastfeeding part-time!

No, I can't breastfeed exclusively. I deal with feelings of inadequacy and failure almost daily. And I have a hard time referring to myself as a breastfeeding mom without adding, "but I don't make enough milk, so I have to give him a bottle too." I wish none of these things were true. But I keep reminding myself that what he gets from me, no matter how little, is still good for him. And that if I were more narrow-minded about feeding Levi (breast or bottle, one or the other), that I would be missing out on a wonderful experience with my son. I hope that by sharing our journey that more advocates will open their minds and hearts when talking about breastfeeding to moms and moms-to-be. And I hope those who have had similar experiences are encouraged to do what feels right to them, no matter the pressures around them. But remember, feeding is not an all-or-nothing thing. You can do BOTH.

Levi, Levi God Claims You!

2011-07-01T15:59:00.012-04:00

If you've never heard this sweet baptism song, you're missing out. I think it's so precious. I sing it to Levi every day as I get him up in the morning and from naps. He just smiles! I've tried to tell him that we are not morning people around here, but he keeps smiling! Even though we didn't sing this song at his baptism, I still love it.

Levi, Levi God claims you.

God helps you, protects you and loves you too.

We this day do all agree,

a child of God you'll always be.

Levi, Levi God claims you.

God helps you, protects you and loves you too.

We your family love you so.

We vow to help your faith to grow.

Levi, Levi God claims you.

God helps you, protects you and loves you too.

Levi was baptized on Sunday in The Vine contemporary service at First Centenary. Lots of family came from out of town, and it was wonderful to share the day with them. I have to brag a little, I made his gown.

It was a proud day for our family

With Hilary, Levi's Godmother

The Needhams

The Blacks

The Trousdales

4 Generations

3 Generations of Black men! :)

Brian told Matt to ask me out, he married us, and now he's baptized our son! He's pretty special to us.

My favorite pic of the day, Levi and Grandad.

It's not about how hard you try

2011-05-31T00:21:00.003-04:00

There are many things that I wanted to give my child before I actually became a parent. I wanted a drug-free, natural labor. I ended up with a C-section. I wanted to use cloth diapers, and that's actually going very well. But more than anything, I wanted to breastfeed my baby. In my mind, breastfeeding had to be the best part of being a mom. All the women in my family breastfed their babies. My mom always talked about how much she loved breastfeeding me, and how much she cried when I weened myself at 6 months. As much as I ached to have a baby, I looked forward to breastfeeding more than any other part of the experience.

I admit, I was a bit of a breastfeeding snob. I found myself judging women I saw in public bottle-feeding their babies. Wondering why they would settle for second best for their babies. When people had problems breastfeeding and chose to switch to formula, I just thought they didn't try hard enough to make it work. I assumed that there were things you could take for milk supply problems, techniques to try for lazy eaters, etc. If you were willing to try hard enough, anyone could make it work. Boy was I wrong.

From the moment Levi was born, I loved breastfeeding. It was everything that I thought it would be. We had a great first feeding, even after all the commotion of Matt's seizure. After that he was much lazier. He was in that newborn comatose sleep for a few days. There was 12 hours or so when he didn't have a wet diaper in the hospital (day 2 or 3, I can't remember), and that's when we first started supplementing. I cried so much. I hated giving him formula; it made him puke. The day I was discharged, my milk started to come in and I don't think we even brought any formula samples home with us. I was done with it, I thought.

At Levi's 1 week check-up he was not back up to birth weight, but the doctor wasn't too worried. He wanted to see us back for a 2 week to make sure he was gaining. In between those visits, the damage and pain from breastfeeding had really set in. It was difficult to let him feed as long as he needed to. I had also read a book that suggested single-side feeding, which I was doing to try to help myself heal. So he was only eating from one side each time, and I am not a large breasted woman so there isn't much storage space. Looking back, it was my fault he wasn't gaining weight. I was starving him, but I didn't know that. He was still losing weight at his 2 week appointment, he lost down to 7 lbs 2 oz from 7 lbs 15 oz at birth. I did nothing but nurse him and cry from the pain for the next 4 days. I saw a lactation consultant who did pre and post-feeding weights on him and said that it was "fine" for him to only get 1.6 oz in a 40 min feeding (we'll get back to that). When we went back on Friday (his weekly appointments were on Mondays), he had only maintained his 7 lbs 2 oz. Levi's pediatrician had me begin supplementing with formula or fortified breast milk. Each feeding I would nurse him as long as I could (25-40 min), then give him a bottle, then pump for 15 minutes. By the time I washed bottles and pump parts it took nearly 2 hours and he was eating every 3! The pediatrician said we not only wanted Levi to gain weight, but we wanted him to learn the difference between full and hungry so that he would be a more vigorous eater. I followed this routine from Friday to Tuesday and Levi gained a whole pound! I was a zombie though.

We decided to back off to supplementing every other feeding for the next week (I pretty much gave up the pumping though), and he continued to gain. I was still in a lot of pain. Everyone had told me that the pain goes away by week 3 or 4 and it hadn't. My husband was telling me to give up because he hated seeing me in so much pain. I've told everyone, I had more pain from breastfeeding than I did from the surgery. I called and made an appointment with another lactation consultant. She gave me some pointers on how to deal with the pain (nipple shields really help when you know how to use them!). She also did a pre and post-feeding weight and said that I had a low milk supply and that I would have to start supplementing with every feeding because Levi wasn't getting enough calories from me. At this point, Levi was 5 weeks old and I had seen the first LC at 2.5 weeks. I was so frustrated because I felt like I could have dealt with this issue a long time ago if she hadn't told me it was "fine." I was put on a strict breast-bottle-pump schedule every 3 hours to stimulate my supply. I was also on an Rx to help with milk production, one that my LC said she had only seen not work on 2 women in 15 years (both had PCOS, which I don't have).

Over the next few days I saw my milk supply plummet. I guess it was the increased supplementing. I panicked. I waited a few days for the Rx to kick in, nothing. I went back after a week with no improvement. She said give it another week, I did. I began to hate the breast pump. I loved nursing Levi, and I didn't mind as much giving him a bottle, but I always had to put him down right away to hurry off and pump. I hated it. I did this ridiculous routine every 3 hours, even trying to wake up in the middle of the night to pump while my baby slept, for nearly 3 weeks. I cried, and mourned and generally felt mad at the world. I was mad because my body was failing to do what it was made to do. I can't make enough milk to feed my son. It doesn't matter what I try, because I've tried it all (herbal tea, oatmeal, fenugreek, power pumping, Rx).

I finally decided that I needed to accept that I was a "formula mom" (something I NEVER wanted to be). I decided that I was done with the pump. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything because I was tied to a breast pump. I could nurse my son and give him a bottle while I was out, but I can't pump just anywhere. I only pump like a normal person, 3 times a day. I nurse Levi and he gets all I have to offer, but the bottle makes sure he gets enough food. Yes, I'm disappointed, mad, jealous of moms who can feed their babies. But I've made peace with the fact that I tried everything, for a long time, and nothing worked to bring my milk up to a full supply. I know I did everything I could to give my baby the best, and maybe next time it will be different. Some people may think I'm nuts for not giving up completely and just bottle feeding. But just because I can't feed him a whole meal doesn't mean I can't feed him anything. Anything he gets from me is good for him. And as long as we both enjoy it, who cares what other people think?

I have learned not to be so judgmental of those "formula moms," because I don't want someone to judge me. They don't know my story or how hard I tried to make it work. Maybe this post will help someone who was like me to be more understanding when their friends give up on breastfeeding. Because sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try, or how bad you want it, it just doesn't work the way it's supposed to.

Top 10 Things We Can't Live Without

2011-05-14T00:03:00.003-04:00

Babies come with a lot of STUFF. And unless you have done it, making a registry for the STUFF you will need is really intimidating for a first time mom. Giant box stores that make a killing off of this STUFF make you feel like you have to have EVERYTHING or you are a bad parent. You should see the enormity of their "suggested registry." Below I've put together my own little Top 10 list of things we love, things we need and things we can't live without around here. Now keep in mind, our son is only (almost) 6 weeks old. I'm sure there are other products we will need/fall in love with as he grows. But for now, here is our Top 10.

10. koala baby hooded towel - I had to give a shout out to Koala Baby. This is by far the best hooded towel set we have. It is so thick and plush, I know we will be able to use it into the toddler years. We also love these wash cloths by BRU, definitely invest in the nice wash cloths with binding around the edges! If they just have serged edges, they will curl after being washed and are so flimsy. The ones we received I ended up using to make our cloth wipes.

9. the boppy - Everyone loves the Boppy for its many uses, propping up, supported sitting, etc. This is definitely a necessity for every parent.

8. the diaper caddy - This is one of my favorite things I received from our registry. I love it! It has a place for everything I need to change Levi's diaper and groom him. It makes everything so convenient, especially since he is in a bassinet in our room right now. I was also able to easily convert it from disposables after the first few weeks, to cloth now. It goes from room to room, wherever you need it. I think if I had a 2 story house I would want one on each floor!

7. the snap-n-go - I LOVE LOVE LOVE this stroller! It is by far the best piece of "gear" we purchased. I had an unplanned C-Section and had lifting restrictions for several weeks. I had to make a few trips to the hospital for tests and things and this stroller saved me from carting his heavy carrier all over our enormous hospital (I only made one trip without it before it went in my trunk). It's great because it's lightweight, easy and you don't have to wake baby to move him from car seat to stroller, the seat snaps right on! We have a jogging stroller for when he's older, but you can't beat the convenience of a snap-n-go when they are small.

6. organic cotton breast pads - These are a necessity for any breastfeeding mama. They are luxurious, soft and the only thing my lactation consultant recommends wearing (as opposed to disposable pads or plastic anything). I have 6 pairs of them so that I'm not constantly doing laundry and I can have fresh ones each day. They are heavenly.

5. the LaLa - Levi, like his daddy once did, loves his LaLa. We couldn't live without it, judge me if you will.

4. sleep sheep - It plays a heartbeat sound to comfort baby and remind them of being in the womb. I swaddle Levi, put his LaLa in his mouth, turn on the sheep and he's out in no time. Since he is sleeping in a bassinet in our room, I get to fall asleep to the sheep too. I think I'll miss it when he's in his crib!

3. bouncy seat - Call me a bad parent if you will, but this is the only way I get to take a shower or eat a meal. Levi is still too small to enjoy the toy bar, plus it seems to overstimulate him, so I use the seat without it now. The kicker, it vibrates. He loves it, sue me.

2. cloth diapers - Even with many things not going well or as planned, this is one thing that makes me really feel good as a parent. The link is to a post describing our extensive cloth diaper stash, and all the other necessities to get started for interested parties. I've loved knowing that I'm not putting chemical laden diapers on my baby's bum on a regular basis. The fact that it's good for the environment is just the cherry on top of the sundae!

1. aden and anais swaddle blankets - Not every baby likes to be swaddled, but Levi loves it. When he gets really worked up it's the only thing that will calm him down instantly. It helps him sleep longer stretches too! These are by far the best blankets for swaddling out there. The muslin material makes them stretchy and not too hot for warm weather months. And unlike other "receiving blankets" they are big enough to grow with baby for months. We have 4 of these, and when we are down to 1 clean one I know it's time to do laundry.

**Honorable Mentions:

Born Free glass bottles (BPA and all other nasty plastic free) - Even if you plan to breastfeed, you may want a feeding or two off.
bottle drying rack - I didn't know if this was one of those "need" things or not, but I've used it so much more than I thought I would. It's great for drying all those little parts of the breast pump too!
Burts Bees Baby Bee buttermilk lotion - It just smells heavenly. Period. And you know it's made from good, natural stuff because it's Burts Bees. Available at your local Target store.
video monitor - This was on the recommendation of one of our friends who is a parent. Get a video monitor because you will want to know whether or not to go in at nap time when they are older (if they could sleep longer or are ready to get up).
bassinet pads - They keep the sheets clean from accidents... LESS laundry!

So there you have it! These are my recommendations for all those Moms-to-be out there of the things we love and can't live without!

Levi is one month old!

2011-05-05T00:34:00.010-04:00

Is it me, or is this the most precious face you've ever seen?!

I just love the dimple!

He started smiling at 3 weeks

The Needham Feet :)

The Adventure in Cloth Begins...

2011-05-02T23:12:00.004-04:00

I celebrated Earth Day this year by embarking on our cloth diaper adventure. I've been stocking up on fluff since before I was pregnant. I've known for several years that I wanted to use cloth when the time came, and as the time got closer I just started stocking up when good bargains came my way.

I took the advice of other cloth diapering mamas given via online forum and invested in the old school diapers for our newborn stash. I've been using prefolds & covers mostly. I have several "convenience" diapers, like mini pocket diapers or small size AIOs (all-in-ones) described previously, but the only leaks we've experienced since Levi arrived have been from the "convenience" diapers. Changing the soaked outfit along with the diaper when you are away from home is not very convenient! From what I can tell, these diapers are leaking because my little man has skinny little chicken legs. He will probably outgrow them in other areas before his legs are fat enough for them not to leak. I must say I'm disappointed. I really wanted to love my Happy Heiny's MINI one size diapers, but because they leaked I don't. I wish that instead of the smaller "convenience" diapers that we got I had invested in more fitteds like the Kissaluvs Size 0 or Sandys Newborn Fitteds (I have 2 and love them), just to have something easier than a prefold to reach for. I can tell that I'm going to love moving up to the regular one size pocket diapers once Levi is big enough. The ease and convenience of the pocket diaper design is awesome in comparison to prefolds and covers.

That being said, I am not loving the prefolds and covers. My little man hates diaper changes. He wiggles and kicks the whole time, which makes maneuvering the prefold and snappi a challenge. Diaper changes take a lot longer than I would like. I knew prefolds and covers would be kind of a pain, but I thought it wouldn't be bad for a little while. I thought we would move into the pocket diapers after a couple of months. But seeing what a skinny boy I have, we may be in prefolds longer than I planned! I just hope we can move to the pocket diapers before I go back to work and he starts daycare. I know they won't use the old school diapers and I don't want to have to buy disposables!

We have a pretty good stock of one size pocket diapers to move up to when the time comes. We have a couple of diapers in several different styles and brands to see what works best for us before buying our big stash. Our pocket diaper stash includes the One Size versions in snap and aplix closure of bumGenius, FuzziBunz, Rumparooz, Happy Heinys, and Kawaii. Like I said before, I can't wait to dive in and try them on little Levi!

Even though there are things I would do differently, different diapers I would buy, I still don't regret our decision to cloth diaper. It's one of the things I feel best about as a mom. Even though it's not very convenient, it's still not as much of a pain as people make it out to be. And once we grow into our pocket diapers, it's going to be so much easier!

Levi James is here... and how he got here

2011-04-19T17:27:00.010-04:00

I woke up early Sunday morning, April 3rd, around 2am, for my usual trip to the bathroom. I noticed when I got back to bed that I was having contractions. I observed them for an hour while lying down to make sure they didn’t go away. I woke Matt up at around 4am. I was hungry, so I had some cereal and we talked about our game plan for the birth. We tried to get some more rest, but I couldn’t sleep through the contractions. We labored together at home all morning and into the afternoon. We walked up and down Dayton Blvd, stopping to relax along the way. The exercise ball brought me lots of comfort throughout my labor as well.

We decided to go to the hospital around 5pm. When we arrived, the nurse said that I was 5 or 6cm dilated. We were happy and felt confident that we had not arrived too early at the hospital.I started to experience some back labor while we were still at home, which continued and intensified at the hospital. Meg, our midwife, let us labor for a while before she even came to the hospital. She checked me around 7:30 or 8pm and I was still at 5cm. She advised us that breaking my water could help move things along, so we did. I dilated to 6.5cm in about ½ hour after that. Matt and I continued to labor together through the ever increasing back labor pain. I was not aware of how much time was actually passing. But my labor seemed to stall out around 7 or 8cm after 7 hours of laboring at the hospital. Meg sat us down and said that she thought I was in too much pain to continue naturally and that the only way I would be able to relax and dilate the rest of the way would be to get an epidural. I was exhausted at that point and I knew she was right. I couldn’t relax any more than I already was, and I felt like it was only getting worse.When my labor started, my contractions were lasting about 1 minute and 15 seconds. By the end, they were lasting 3 minutes each and coming one right after the other. I got the epidural around 1am after nearly 24 hours of natural labor, 13 of which included intense back labor.

The epidural did what it was intended to do, I was able to relax, get some rest, and finish dilating to 10cm. I did not regret the decision to get it and I was proud that the drugs did not enter my baby's system for hours on end, but only at the end of labor. After I was fully dilated, Meg let me rest for an hour before we started pushing. Once we started pushing, I got frustrated because my contractions started to space out and I wasn’t getting enough opportunities to push. They had to give me pitocin to ensure that my contractions continued regularly. I pushed for 2 hours, 4 or 5 pushes per contraction, but the baby was not coming through my pelvis. After 2 hours, the baby was still at Zero station, and I was exhausted. Meg told me that it was time to call Dr. Collins to do a Cesarean Section. She reassured us that we did all we could to avoid surgery and get our baby here the natural way, but that it just didn’t work out. It was pretty cool to have my midwife and the L&D nurse tell me individually how cool it was to watch Matt and I labor together. The nurse said that they could have made a video for future Bradley classes... for what it's worth I guess!

They took us in to surgery, and Levi James was born via Cesarean Section at 6:10am on April 4, 2011; weighing 7lbs 15oz and measuring 20.5 inches long. Dr. Collins did the surgery and Meg, our midwife was there too. When they pulled the baby out, we both asked what the baby was (boy or girl), but the doctors would not say anything. They told Daddy to go look, so he walked around where he could see. He started crying and told me that he owed me $20! He was so excited; he kept scurrying back and forth between Levi and me. Levi was not happy to be out of his warm and cozy home, and he let everyone in the delivery room know it! He was crying at the top of his lungs and showing them off.

Most birth stories would end here, but not ours!! They wheeled me into the recovery area, Levi and Matt followed. We were there waiting for the nurse to give Levi a bath when I saw Matt start to fall while he was holding Levi. I thought he was passing out, but he was starting to have a seizure. He realized what was happening and was trying to hand the baby off to a nurse. I could see Levi's face and he looked so scared, like he realized he was falling. One nurse ran to catch Matt, while another nurse took the baby from his arms. They lowered Matt to the floor while he had a seizure. I’ve never been so scared in all my life. Because we were at a women’s center for the birth, they couldn’t treat Matt for his seizure there. So, less than an hour after Levi was born, Matt was in an ambulance on his way to another hospital across town. My mother came to be with me and Matt's mother met him at the other hospital. He was gone for 6 long hours. He was a bit dazed when he returned, but very happy to be back with us.

Levi and Mommy's first picture

After his first bath

Daddy is happy to be back with Levi and Mommy

First family photo

We are continuing to adjust to life with a newborn, and all that entails. But we are also adjusting to life with Matt having a diagnosed seizure disorder. That means no driving for 6 months. The stupid ER doctor actually wrote on Matt's discharge orders that he shouldn't drive or hold the baby for 6 months. Yeah right. "I'm sorry sir, I know your son was just born today, but if you could just refrain from holding him until October that would be great." Whatever.

The Waiting Game

2011-03-27T09:33:00.002-04:00

Everything is ready. We are all packed. I even had time for an extra craft project that will hopefully serve us well in the coming weeks, though I'm keeping the details to myself for now. So now we wait.

I've had several bouts of false labor, and am experiencing some intense Braxton Hicks at times. I get frustrated because I never know whether it's the real thing or not, always hoping it is. So I tell myself to ignore it until I can't ignore it anymore and then I'll know. It always goes away. Oh well, I pray that my water breaks soon and ends the guessing and waiting games!

Sweet Pea hurry up! Mommy and Daddy want to meet you, and Mommy is driving Daddy just a bit crazy. :)

Seriously, GET OUT!

2011-03-21T12:41:00.002-04:00

I'm one week from my due date and this baby needs to GET OUT. My beloved checklist is almost finished (only cooking and thank you notes left, and I doubt those will get done). Sweet Pea dropped 3 weeks ago, my feet are swelling so that I've tossed my shoes for Chacos, and I survived the biggest full moon in 20 years without going in to labor. This kid is truly stubborn, which is not a surprise considering his/her parents and extended family. The "mule" is strong in this one. But seriously, GET OUT.

In the mean time, I want you to know that I love all of my well-meaning friends and family, I do. But texting me every day asking if I've had a baby yet only reminds me that I'm still pregnant, and rather pissed off about it. Trust me folks, NO ONE wants me to have this baby already more than ME. Take your desires to meet, hold, see pictures of and know the sex of the baby and multiply them by 1 billion, that's where I am. CHILL OUT. I will let you know when Sweet Pea gets here. Until then, messages of "I'm thinking about you" and "I hope you are having a good day" are well appreciated. That is all.

UPDATE on Sweet Pea

2011-03-09T14:58:00.018-05:00

WOW, I've been really busy. I've been meaning to blog for a long while and it just hasn't happened, but I have been checking things off of my To-Do list! Since I last blogged we've had 3 baby showers, I've almost finished the nursery and we've passed the "full-term" mark where our little Sweet Pea can come any time and be just FINE!!

I made a To-Do list about a month ago of all the things that needed to be done before Sweet Pea arrives. I am proud to say that I'm almost finished, and hope to be completely finished by the end of this coming weekend (when I hit 38 weeks!). The list is at home, but it looked something like this:

Return and exchange gifts, finish purchasing necessities CHECK
Make cloth wipes (3 dozen!) CHECK
Finish nursery sewing - still left are the twin bed skirt, pillow sham, and a pillow for the rocker
Tour hospital and pre-register CHECK
Clean out cars CHECK
Install car seat bases and have them inspected - Matt's is in, mine is still en route, appointments made for inspections
Make room in kitchen for bottles CHECK
Cook and freeze meals - really don't think this one will get done!
Prep cloth diapers - prefolds are almost finished, pockets and AIOs left to go
Pack hospital bag CHECK (it's not my problem Matt's stuff isn't packed!)
Finish buying stuff for and packing labor bag CHECK
Wash and put away all baby stuff, take things out of packaging and put away, assemble and wash all baby gear CHECK
Baby-proof house CHECK
Finish birth plan, get approved by Meg, pack all paperwork in hospital bag CHECK
Print and pack signs for hospital room in labor bag (such as "Natural Childbirth in Progress, Please Enter Quietly) CHECK
Write Thank You notes - working on it... I need to set a nightly goal or something!

So, as you can see, I've been a little busy! Matt's list is much more involved with projects around the house, and he's done a great job helping me nest. We sat down last night after dinner and he looked at me and said, "What's on our nesting list tonight?" like he was eager and willing! I appreciate him so much. We took Fat Tuesday off from nesting for the most part ;)

Our sweet friends Debbie & Griffin and Melanie & Brian gave us a fabulous couples' shower at the beginning of February. It was a Storybook themed party where folks brought their favorite children's book for Sweet Pea's library! It was wonderful because we got to include "the guys" in the celebration, since we are all such great friends. It was also a way to invite folks to more than one shower (so that we could include the guys) without people having to spend a ton of money on two gifts. Sweet Pea got LOTS of great books, and Daddy is slated to build us a bookshelf... eventually. Unfortunately, we got ZERO pictures of this shower. Everything was so cute, there were books up everywhere. Our friends were able to sign a picture matte for Sweet Pea, which is in the nursery waiting for a picture. I'm so disappointed it isn't documented!

My aunts and cousins gave us a couples' shower in Knoxville for family and friends. It was Rubber Ducky themed and all the decorations were just precious!! Unfortunately, my sweet Aunt Donna (whose house was the location for the party) came down with an awful stomach thing on Saturday afternoon before the shower on Sunday. So while we were partying away, she was locked upstairs in her bedroom. :( We got some lovely and sentimental gifts from our family. Matt's Aunt Meredith, or Dedo as we call her, special ordered the most ADORABLE newborn photo prop I've ever seen! It's a cap and "pod" that looks like a pea! So we can dress our little Sweet Pea as a sweet pea! Matt's mother, Lisa, gave us a blanket made by her aunt that Grandy and GP brought her home from the hospital in. She, in turn, brought Matt home from the hospital in it. And of course, it will escort our Sweet Pea home as well. My mother made 2 going home outfits for Sweet Pea, 1 for a girl and 1 for a boy. We also got tons of practical and useful things as well, which was wonderful. Fun was had by all... except Donna :(

Our little sweet pea pod for Sweet Pea!! You can't see it, but the hat has a little "stem" on it!

Opening the blanket from Lisa, even Matt got a little teary

I'm holding the boy outfit from G-Mom and Matt is holding the girl dress, because I think Sweet Pea is a boy and he thinks s/he is a girl! Mom used some left-over fabric from my wedding dress (which is ecru silk) to make the collars of the outfits (which are white silk)

Matt and I with all the Trousdale ladies (minus Donna of course) and Lisa

Alana and I got the kids together to play at the shower... she's due in May with little Luke!

Sweet Hilary came ALL the way from Indianapolis!!

I had my baby shower at work the Monday after our Knoxville shower. It was a lovely small gathering, and again I got ZERO pictures. My work colleagues were SO SWEET in their thoughtfulness. They all pitched in to order lots of goodies from our cloth diaper registry (which were on my list to purchase if we didn't receive them). We are so appreciative of their support of our endeavor in cloth diapering! I work with some amazing people.

I never know whether full-term is 36 or 37 weeks, but we've been taking my picture every 4 weeks. Below is my 36 week picture. 2 days after this picture was taken, the baby dropped... LOW. Meg, our midwife, said that the baby being low and the cervix thinning is much more important for the progress of labor than dilation. As of this week, the baby is still very low and I'm 75% effaced. This tells us nothing about WHEN I might go into labor. But when it does happen, things should progress nicely. This is wonderful to hear since up until this week I've been terrified of the 40hr first-time mom labor!

BIG OLE BELLY at 36 weeks

Here are the most recent pics of the nursery. I got the curtains and the twin duvet done in the middle of my frantic sewing of 3 dozen cloth wipes. There are still a few things left that I hope to finish this weekend... IF I'm not otherwise occupied!!! ;)

Full nursery view. The bed was my mother's when she was little, the toy box (under the tree) was mine when I was little, the quilt on the bed is from Auntie Meghan, and the blanket on the crib was lovingly crocheted by my mother (Sweet Pea's G-Mom)

Curtains from my favorite fabric in the room, it's burnt orange if you can't tell

Matt's dresser from when he was little, my silver bank from when I was little, our little sweet peas, the frame from our friends, and a rubber ducky (a few souvenirs from our showers)

Well, we are ready just ANYTIME that Sweet Pea would like to make an appearance!! We will post pics of Sweet Pea and the winner of the $20 wager between Mommy and Daddy when s/he arrives!

Baby Shower Weekend

2011-01-14T09:51:00.011-05:00

Well, I just thoroughly enjoyed having Lamm and Cecily here for the weekend. And we had a blast at my baby shower on Sunday! I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends!

While Lamm and Cecily visited, Matt got in lots of good practice.

We didn't get a picture of the funniest part, Matt practicing swaddling and shushing with 6 month old Cecily! It was hilarious. First of all, he was shushing her when she wasn't even upset. She looked at Lamm and me like, "why is he doing that?" But apparently, Cecily loves to be HOT when she sleeps and she loves being swaddled. Matt got her down for a nap in no time flat. I just wish we had taken pictures.

We also got to see how the animals might react to the baby. Isis could care less, Einstein is cautiously curious and a little scared as we expected (he's scared of everything), and Hurley is VERY protective (she kept using her body to block Einie from getting to the baby)!

Look at this sweet face! I had so much fun having them here.

My sweet friend Lara did the table decorations (little Sweet Peas in their pods!) which were a huge hit. All the Sweet Pea themed stuff was so precious.

We got lots of great stuff! As you can see, we are truly blessed with wonderful friends.

Autie Meghan made Sweet Pea a gorgeous quilt that coordinates so well with the nursery. Meghan and I are both only children, so we get to be "Aunties" to our friends kids. I'm Auntie Jill to lots of babies and I love it. Meghan is really excited to be an Auntie to Sweet Pea!

I love this one of me, my moms and Grandy (now G-G for great-grandmother).

Here is one of most of the party-goers. Lamm had to leave early because of snow and Lara was in the bathroom the whole time we were taking pictures and no one knew it!

Then after our wonderful shower, we got snowed in for a week! My mom wasn't able to leave until Wednesday, nor was she able to use her time here to look for apartments because we were snowed in! I boycotted taking pics of the snow. I'm not a fan. I like to look at it through a window from inside a warm house and that is about it. I'm kind of a Scrooge that way.

Nursery under construction

2011-01-03T22:39:00.005-05:00

Hi everyone!! DH and I spent our "week off" between Christmas and New Years getting lots done around the house. DH made great strides towards finishing the bathroom remodel that we got mostly complete in my FIRST trimester (I just entered my THIRD). We took down the Christmas decorations and cleaned up the house from the chaos. But most importantly, we started the NURSERY!!!

I have been SO EXCITED about this nursery since before we even conceived. Mainly because I got the idea for it such a long time ago, and since we knew we didn't want to find out if the baby is a girl or boy (my money is STILL on boy), I knew that one day I'd be able to see my vision come to life. I originally wanted to do a playground scene mural, but I couldn't find any good art of a complete scene to use. SO, I found this and just fell in LOVE!!

I knew I wanted multi-ethnic children playing. It's important to us for our kids to have friends of all races and cultures, and what better way to start than placing their faces on the baby's wall?? I've still got some cleaning up to do (the blue tape pieces are drips that need covering), and my mom still has to round out the bottoms of the letters where the painter's tape to keep it level was. But I think it's just precious. We even painted in our kitty cat, Isis (on the railing of the treehouse), and our troublemaker, Einstein (at the bottom of the tree) into the mural. Really, what kid doesn't want their dog and cat on their wall?!

Matt and I really liked the idea of the song words around the room too, which was not part of the original picture. My mom and my papaw used to sing this song to me when I was little. And Matt's mom sang it to him as well. It's only fitting that my mom was the one who painted the letters around the room. I think it turned out beautifully. She even got a little emotional thinking about how true this is...

Even though I have no idea now, I will soon.

I will post more pics of the complete nursery once the crib is set up and everything is in place, whenever that is. I've still got lots of sewing to do! I just had to share the mural because I am so excited at how well it turned out!!

Next weekend is our first BABY SHOWER and my sweet friend Lamm and her baby girl Cecily will be staying with us. I just CAN'T WAIT!

Happy Holidays!!!

2010-12-27T13:16:00.012-05:00

I know it's been forever, but we've been busy around here! We celebrated Thanksgiving with the Needhams. I'm so lucky to have married into such an amazing family. Truly, they rock!!!

Our family, not really sure what our moms were doing here

Mom and me being silly making "the face"

Those that started it all. Aren't they the cutest? I didn't take this pic, but I love it!

Then we celebrated the 3rd anniversary of our engagement by decorating our Christmas tree on December 6th, like we do every year.

the tree

the stockings

the precious pups. don't let them fool you, they are not as angelic as they appear.

We celebrated Christmas in Alabama with my family. We had lunch with my brother and nephew, then we partied with the Trousdales. They are good folks who know how to party!

My brother Bo, my nephew Johnathan, me

the kids, we look ecstatic!

the girls, I'm pregnant. that's my excuse.

My sweet husband got me a new-to-me Cannon Rebel camera!! I took lots of pictures of my cute animals, here is a sample. Aren't they the cutest?

We celebrated the New Year at Matt's parents' house with their family that usually gets together for Christmas. Dinner was postponed a week due to SNOW!

The Matthews family

I hope your holiday season was merry and blessed! Happy 2011!!

Rumble Tumble KICK!

2010-11-12T11:41:00.002-05:00

I've been feeling Sweet Pea's little movements consistently every day since about week 16. At first it was just a little tap tap tapping, very subtle. As Sweet Pea grew, the movements became more noticeable. Recently, I've been able to feel the flip flops of full turns. It's been so exciting for me, and I want so much for Matt to be able to feel the baby too. The last week or so I've noticed more distinct movements that feel like kicks and punches! I think we've got a strong little baby in there!

This morning was RARE. Matt has the day off and I am working from home, so we were here together in the morning time. This has not happened in a really long time. Matt leaves really early for work during the week. I've been working every Saturday since the beginning of October, so I get up while he sleeps in on those days. And Matt and Daniel have been going to the gym together super early in the morning on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday for a while now. Matt and I haven't been home together in the morning in forever it seems.

Anywho, Matt and I were enjoying our lazy morning together this morning all snuggled up, tummy to tummy. I was getting REALLY hungry, so I knew Sweet Pea was hungry too. I had just said something about the baby getting hungry when all of a sudden, POW POW!! And then again, POW POW POW!! They were the strongest kicks I've felt so far. I asked Matt if he felt it and he said yes! Then he was frustrated because the baby stopped kicking after that. I'm just glad he got to feel the baby kick him in the stomach like s/he does me! It was thrilling for both of us, and such a nice way to spend the morning.

We're having a....

2010-10-30T09:30:00.006-04:00

BABY!! NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH!!! We are still not finding out the sex of the baby. We made it through our mid-pregnancy ultrasound without any spoiler incidents. Sweet Pea looks perfect, other than his/her HEAD is measuring 1.5 weeks ahead!! Thanks for that, Daddy. DH's head was so big he got stuck and my MIL ended up having a C-section, which I REALLY REALLY would like to avoid. But truly, it's in God's hands.

Here is our little Sweet Pea. Yes, we are having an alien. (I like the Olan Mills/Napoleon Dynamite pose Sweet Pea is striking with the little hand up to the chin, head tilt!!)

Sweet Pea's sweet little smile, see it?

Here is a nice forearm block and a couple of knees. Daddy says Sweet Pea will be a black belt!

Sweet Pea was over the portrait session, so s/he put both hands and arms in front of his/her face. :)

For Sweet Pea

2010-10-27T15:42:00.003-04:00

Today I started to think about the things I hope for you, our little Sweet Pea.

I hope that you are healthy and happy.

I hope you grow to be a loving, caring and concerned adult (and if it's not too much to ask, a Democrat).

I hope you like to sleep as much as your dad and I do! We are not morning people, and our fear is that you will wake up at 5am every day of the week for your entire childhood.

I hope you enjoy baths as a baby and as you grow. I love and am so relaxed by showers, I hope you are calmed and comforted by it as well.

I hope the breastfeeding and cloth diapering goes well. I want to give you the very best of everything, starting with what you eat and wear.

I hope you grow up loving books and school. Your dad already reads to you in my belly before bed at night.

I hope that you love food of all kinds, like your dad and I do. We try to eat healthy whenever we can. It may cause lots of bumps in life if all you eat is chicken fingers and mac-n-cheese, but we will love you and work through it no matter what!

But most of all, I hope you learn to love God and rely on Him for every good thing in life. No matter what happens in life, HE is the one that will be with you through it all.

Solid Ground

2010-10-25T20:46:00.005-04:00

Most of you probably take for granted that you are on solid ground. You aren't physically sinking in quicksand (or at least I hope not). You may feel like you are financially or emotionally sinking, but at least physically you aren't. We sang a great version of Amazing Grace with the chorus (and to the tune) of Peaceful Easy Feeling by the Eagles at church yesterday.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now I'm found,

Was blind, but now I see.

I've got a peaceful, easy feeling,

And I know you won't let me down.

'Cause I'm already standing

on solid ground.

After church, Matt and I were talking and I about lost it. I don't feel like we are on solid ground at all. Our relationship is wonderful, the pregnancy is going great, our jobs are stressful, but not a big deal. Really what is getting me is our house, the new one we moved into last year, not the old one we can't sell. We have renters now, so that one is out of our minds for now.

A few months ago, we started noticing that our doors weren't shutting properly. And as I came up the street about a month ago, I looked at our house and about had a heart attack. From the road in my car I could see a huge crack in our foundation. When I say huge, it's about 2" wide. You can stand in our basement and see daylight between the floor of the sunroom and the foundation wall. That one corner of our house is literally sliding out from under us, and the only thing holding the sunroom on the house right now are the floor boards. Luckily, as I write this, my dear husband and our pastor/friend are in the basement putting a support beam and jacks in place.

We have gotten OBSCENE estimates on fixing our home. We are slashing and burning our budget like never before, including drastic measures we thought we'd never take. We are also looking at some creative budgeting and finance options so that we can get our house repaired and build a fence* before Sweet Pea arrives.

*Some of you may wonder with a foundation that is sliding out from under us, why a fence is still a priority as well. This is why:

His name is Einstein and his howl is painful to the human ear and at a volume that is unimaginable. But look at that face. That face may not live through a colicky infant, just put to sleep, me with no sleep and a mail man driving by... let your imagination finish the rest.

So unfortunately, although it was a lovely song, I am far from feeling as if I'm on solid ground. Actually, I feel like our house is sliding out from under us, because it IS. It is hard to feel at rest about anything or even enjoy this blessing of a pregnancy, when your house is falling down around you. It may sound over-dramatic, but have you ever had to worry about your house falling down? OK then, don't judge me. Just pray for us if you are so inclined.

Blue Screen of Death

2010-10-01T16:10:00.005-04:00

That was the diagnosis when I took my computer to the IT department at UTC. It booted fine on Tuesday, I closed it to put it to sleep, and the next time I opened it I got some error message on a black screen. The guys in IT are great. They assured me that they will most likely be able to recover the documents on my hard drive. They helped me finally get my work email coming in on my phone, which I've needed. I felt ok, until today.

I got an email from our administrative assistant that, "The hard drive crashed and there is no way to recover any of [my] files. But the good news is it's under warranty and [they've] ordered [me] a new one." Are you kidding me? I don't give a crap if it's under warranty, MY FILES ARE GONE!!! It doesn't come out of my pocket if they have to buy a new hard drive!

I feel like such an idiot. There is an external hard drive sitting on my desk that I haven't backed up to in 2 months or more. We are never in the office, and when we are, I'm not thinking about backing up my computer. I usually have other things to do. Yes, I did lose work files, but hopefully that won't affect me too much.

There is one thing that I've lost that I absolutely cannot replace. I started keeping a pregnancy journal when I found out I was pregnant. I was recording my journey, with dates and weeks of pregnancy, and writing letters to our baby. I was planning to make a bound book with pictures of my belly growing inserted into the journal, something that the baby could keep forever and read exactly what I was feeling while pregnant with him (or her). It's gone, all of it. I haven't backed up my files since before I got pregnant. I can try and recreate the "bones" of it, writing about milestones and such, but the sentiment can never be recreated. I will never get those words back and I'm so sad. I've looked forward to being pregnant my whole adult life and my diary to remember it by is gone. I don't even know if I want to try and start over now. If I do, from now on may be wonderful, but I'm afraid the beginning will sound textbook and cold.

Well, lesson learned. I will probably obsessively back up my hard drive for the rest of my life. But for now, it's too late and I choose to wallow in self-pity.

Cloth Diapering Sweet Pea

2010-09-14T12:18:00.012-04:00

Hello all!! As promised, I wanted to share how I came to choose the cloth diapering system I've chosen, and impart as much wisdom from my research as I can. As I said many moons ago, there are lots of great reasons to choose cloth diapers and many options out there for anyone interested in using cloth as an alternative to sposies. My previous blog post is packed full of resources, videos and statistics for anyone interested in reading up on cloth. So I won't repeat myself here, I'll just share with you what we've decided to do.

I've been sold on cloth for a while, and I was REALLY nervous about getting Matt on board with it. I was sure this would be some sort of toe to toe face off. So I pumped myself up for a "hard sell," armed with all my statistics and cost savings, and went into the trenches. Matt's response was, "OK. I've never changed a diaper before, so I don't have anything to compare it to. You're going to have to show me how either way. I don't care." WHEW! That was easy! We've made a deal, I do diaper laundry, he'll do baby clothes laundry. Yes folks, he's all that AND a load of laundry! :D

I have a dear friend who took the CD plunge first, so she's a great resource! What I've learned is that most babies don't fit well into the one-size, lasts most of the way through diapering, adjustable diapers until they are 12-15lbs. So I was nervous about what to do for the beginning. I joined The Pin and got to work gathering advice from experienced CDing mamas. I posted a thread on their forum asking for newborn cloth diapering advice, and got tons!! What I came to understand is, in the beginning, they go through so many diapers, you want something cheap and easy that launders quickly. It shouldn't cost too much because they outgrow the newborn system so quickly. I have a feeling ours will get plenty of use between the 2 we plan to have and the friends in line to use our stash!!

There are lots of options of CDs to begin with. You have the traditional Prefolds

Above are Orange edge organic prefolds from Green Mountain Diapers, and 6 preemie prefolds for stuffing pocket diapers

Prefitteds (prefolds made into fitteds, with or without closures)

Pictured are 6 Workhorse dipes from Green Mountain Diapers w/o closures, hence the Snappis and pins

Fitteds

L-R Small Sandies fitted diaper, 2 Swaddlebees pocket velour diapers (discontinued, hard to find)

All of these types of diapers must be used in conjunction with a waterproof cover.

L-R are a NB Bummis Super Bright, a Thirsties Duo Wrap Size 1, and a Small Polar Bummis (discontinued, hard to find)

Pockets (waterproof outer, wicking inner layer w/ stuff-able pocket to adjust for heavy wetters, inserts are used for absorbency)

Pictured is a Happy Heinys MINI on the left open w/ micro terry inserts for absorbency, on the right are 2 One Size pockets - a Happy Heinys and a FuzziBunz

AIOs - all in ones (waterproof outer and absorbent inner all in one, no stuffing, just like a sposie that is washable)

These are Lil-Joeys NB size AIOs, see the snap-down for umbilical chord healing?

There are many brands and options of each of these types, but these are the basics.

The resounding feedback I got regarding the newborn system was prefolds or prefitteds with covers, because they are more affordable and wash and dry quickly (pockets and AIOs, anything with the waterproof outer must line dry, the prefolds/prefitteds go in the dryer because they are cotton). I bought 6 Workhorse Diapers from Green Mountain Diapers (GMD), which are their version of prefitteds, without closures (can use a snappi) in infant size. They were the "Beta release" so I got them for pretty cheap. I started thinking, "I sew, I can make my own prefitteds for way cheaper." So I asked for a serger for my birthday and found a great deal on Overstock.com. I bought 18 orange edge organic prefolds, and 12 yellow edge organic prefolds, that's enough to make 18 of each size prefitteds from GMD (I already have 6 yellow edge workhorse diapers). These are the favorite prefolds among most CDing moms, from what I can tell.

I've been buying used (and some new) newborn and infant covers from The Pin FSOT (for sale or trade) forums. We also plan to register for CDs, and will get more covers there. I've collected a few additions to my newborn stash as well. I got a set of Lil-Joeys from Rumparooz (NB AIOs pictured above), a Happy Heinys MINI (Xsmall one size pocket diaper), and a couple of Monkey Doodlez micro (small size AIOs) all for going out or church or convenience diapers for sitters. I also bought a couple of fitteds and velour pocket diapers to go under covers as well. I'm completely bummed that these Swaddlebees velour pocket dipes are discontinued, because I heard they were great for nighttime/naptime because you can stuff them with as much absorbency as you need. So other than covers, we are set on our small size diapering system.

As for CDs after 12-15lbs, we are registering for a couple of diapers of about 4-5 different styles and brands (a combination of pockets and AIOs, all one-size that will grow with baby). We will use what we get for a while and decide what we want the bulk of our stash to be after use, although I have a feeling we will use FuzziBunz. FuzziBunz seem to be a favorite among mamas, they dry quicker than AIOs, they are the most adjustable b/c they use an elastic system instead of snaps, and people love the convenience of pocket diapers. They say it's nice to have options for different situations, and our registry variety will give us that. I've done quite a bit of research, and Kelly's Closet seems to have the most extensive stock of choices for a registry, so that's probably the way we will go. If you want to watch video reviews of ALL DIFFERENT TYPES and brands of cloth diapers, go to Dirty Diaper Laundry. I've found her videos to be really helpful in deciding what to register for!

If you go with pocket diapers for your main diapering solution, you have lots of options for stuffing. Most diapers come with their own inserts, but you can also purchase extra inserts for nighttime or heavy wetters. Hemp is the most absorbent type of insert out there, although they take a bit more prep before use than other diapers (properly prepping your CDs is SO important and every shipment I've received so far has come with prepping and washing instructions). My CDing friend's favorite insert are the Babykicks Hemp that come in several sizes as your child grows.

We will also be doing cloth wipes along with cloth diapers. It would be a pain to have to separate throw away wipes from washable diapers! I will likely be making my own out of flannel and old towels. Most CDing moms say you need a stash of about 36 or so cloth wipes to get you through 2 days of changes before laundry time (obviously more if you have twins ;)).

Other necessities are: wet bags for the diaper bag to store dirties in, special detergent for cloth diapers (it's important to use detergents that don't leave residues that can affect the diaper's absorbency), a diaper sprayer to clean the yuckies off in the toilet, and a diaper pail liner (or 2) that is waterproof and washable with the dipes. The links above are all to the products that I've read the best reviews about for each item, and the ones that we will have on our CD registry.

So there you have it! That is all the knowledge I have to impart as a future-CDing mama. I'm sure I will have more advice once we actually have our Sweet Pea here and in cloth! I will definitely be sure to post pics of the sweet fluffy bum!

Our Sweet Pea

2010-09-06T15:29:00.002-04:00

Well folks, I'm preggers. Yep, that's right, the "waiting" is over and now we just wait on Sweet Pea to arrive! Matt and I are beyond excited to be entering this stage of our lives and feel very blessed that it went as smoothly as it did.

For the most part, I have not been sick (barring one incidence of sensitive gag reflexes and a toothbrush). I have been EXTREMELY tired. I just finished traveling back and forth to Nashville 3 times in 4 weeks on top of teaching a Tuesday/Thursday class in Central time that was 1.5hrs away. On top of that our bathroom has been under construction for over 3 weeks now. We've been showering at the "other" house while we ripped out the fiberglass drop-in tub and shower and installed a gorgeous new tub and tiled shower surround. All of this would have made anyone tired, but it's been especially difficult during my first trimester.

We had our first ultrasound very early on, about 7 weeks and 4 days, and were able to HEAR and SEE the baby's heartbeat! It was so precious. The baby even waggled its head back and forth for us like it knew we were watching! We've had tons of fun telling all our friends and family. Now we get to keep planning for our little bundle to arrive next spring!

Sweet Pea

A few of the things we've chosen to do that are getting us some flack from friends and family: cloth diapers, natural childbirth, and not finding out the sex before the birth. That last one has incited some angry mobs, letmetellyou! People REALLY have an opinion about this! Folks are ANGRY because they can't know the sex of our baby. It's hilarious.

Well, that's the update from our corner!! I'll blog more extensively about the cloth diapers I've chosen to use and why later. Plus I just have to show off all the cute fluff I've gotten so far! :)

Things that should have stayed in the 80's...

2010-08-30T09:20:00.003-04:00

OK, I need to do a silly/fun post today. Now, I appreciate the '80s for all of the good things it gave to my life: all of my memorable childhood (I mean I was born in '79, but it's not like I remember the 70s!), GREAT TV that could never be matched again in its wholesomeness and entertainment value (Cheers, The Cosby Show, The Facts of Life, Family Ties, Growing Pains, the list goes on), music that we all love to party to even today (you know you love The Breakfast Club and go to see them whenever they come to your town just to remind you of college!), and FABULOUS movies (most of which starred either Molly Ringwald, Matthew Broderick, Tom Cruise or Kevin Bacon).

HOWEVER, there are things that were popular in the '80s that should have STAYED in the '80s and never returned. Here is my list of those things:

leggings - Yes, those tight, spandex looking pants that hug every curve of your leg should have stayed in the '80s. Whether worn under skirts or under big baggy shirts or sweaters, this fashion trend does not make sense to me. It does not look good on anyone and does not serve any sort of purpose unless you are under the age of 3 and still have a habit of pulling your skirt up over your head.
leg warmers - We all loved Flashdance, or at least I did. And yes, I wanted to rock me some leg warmers after that movie because I thought I needed them to dance better. But come on people, as adults, who among us wants to draw attention to our ankles?
the recession - OK, so the recession we are in now kicks the crap out of the one in the '80s, but it still should have stayed there. Did we not learn anything about deregulation the first time, we have to learn it again!?!?
baby names - the '80s' Jennifers, Heathers, Amandas, Matthews and Adams are the parents of today's Isabellas, Olivias, Lilys, Jacksons, Jaydens and Aidens! Surely enough of us lived through being Amanda M. (me) or Matthew B. (my husband) that we would do better for our children! The names aren't coming back, but I guess the trend of popular names will always exist!
Sylvester Stallone movies - We all loved the original Rocky, right? OK, so technically it was made in the '70s, but I didn't see it until the '80s when all the sequels came out because I wasn't BORN yet when the original was made! Let's just remember him at his best and NOT suffer through anymore please?

I'm sure there is more, and I may update this list later, but I think it's a good start!

Prayer Request

2010-08-08T23:08:00.004-04:00

My dear sweet friend, Adair, and her precious babies are heavy on my heart. Adair is one of the most beautiful people I've ever met, inside and out. She and her husband Cal have been on a long journey over the last 2 years to bring them to this place. They have been through so much to even GET these babies, and now they are facing more trials.

I'm asking for prayers for this sweet family. As I write this, Adair has been admitted to the hospital indefinitely for pre-term labor. Today she is 26 weeks and 4 days pregnant with their twins, Jack and Lucy. These babies need to get to 28 weeks to be out of the "scary" part of the woods. Would you please pray for my friends and their babies, that they will stay safe in her womb for as long as possible?

UPDATE

God is truly taking care of Adair and her sweet babies. After weeks of "off and on" contractions, there is absolutely NO CHANGE in her cervix (I think it must be made of steel or something). She got to go home for a while, but is back in the hospital. Her faith and attitude through all of this is amazing. As of LAST Wednesday (8/25), she was 29 weeks and the babies are weighing 3lbs 7 oz (Lucy) and 3lbs (Jack). Adair will be 30 weeks in 2 days, PRAISE GOD!!!! We are just praying those babies stay in there as long as they can, and giving HIM all the glory for these miracles so far! Thanks for your continued prayers for my dear friend.

Sweet Cecily

2010-07-10T20:26:00.004-04:00

One of my BFFs Lamm had a sweet baby girl on Monday, July 5th. So, I took Friday off and hopped on down to the ATL to see them. Lamm is doing great, and so is her hubby Keith. Their son Knox was asleep the entire time I visited :( so I missed seeing my little buddy. But I got LOTS of snuggle time with sweet Cecily!!

Lamm is such a good mommy!

In the waiting...

2010-05-25T10:31:00.004-04:00

Upon seeking council from a very good friend, she gave me some wonderful advice. Her own experience in her journey to becoming a mother had some bumps along the way. She and her husband had planned out the "perfect" time to start their family, but things didn't work out as they had hoped. She told me that while they were waiting for God to bless them with the child they desired, she decided to use the time she was given (even though it was against her plan and desire) to prepare herself for becoming pregnant and being a mother. Instead of being sad or discouraged about "be[ing] still and wait[ing]" (Psalm 37:7), she made the most of her time by preparing to receive God's blessing.

I decided to follow this wise council for myself. Matt and I have been trying to lose weight and get in shape for a while now. So I felt good about already being on my way. I have a walking partner that I try and meet up with several times a week, and I've decided to start adding in some weight training activities at home.

We have fallen into a rut with our dinner menu. I find that we eat the same few staple meals over and over again. I'm trying to find creative ways to incorporate more "color variation" in our diet, specifically more green veggies. Matt is much pickier about his green veggies than I am, so this one is difficult! I have to sneak some spinach into the quesadillas and hope he doesn't notice!

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this on the blog, but I'm an addict. I have fully embraced the fact that I'm addicted to coffee, and not just coffee, the caffeine in coffee. I LOVE COFFEE, and rather enjoy my addiction to it. If I don't have my morning cup of leaded joe, by 3pm I don't want to live my head hurts so bad. I've always said that if I make it through life and coffee is my worst vice, I've done fairly well.

Well, as of this past weekend I'm slowly giving up my love. I figured weaning myself off of caffeine now would be much easier than quitting cold turkey once I get pregnant (removing caffeine withdrawal from all the usual early pregnancy physical ailments). This way Matt won't have the desire to smother me in my sleep and put us both out of misery from the demon that takes over during my withdrawals. I've quit caffeine before, it AINT pretty. And the withdrawals can last a week or more. UGH.

So, in order to avoid the VERY unpleasant withdrawals from my dear love, I've started by drinking 1/2 caff and 1/2 decaf. With each week I will add a little less caff beans and a little more decaf beans to the grinder until I'm brewing all decaf (otherwise known as USELESS) coffee. So I'm still a little bitter about giving it up, sue me! Hopefully, when the time arrives, I will be caffeine free and feeling fine. :)

I also want to start preparing spiritually by doing a new individual study book of some kind. I haven't visited the book store yet, or put out feelers to acquire advice from knowledgeable friends. Any suggestions are appreciated. My search begins soon!

I've decided...

2010-05-18T11:07:00.004-04:00

to stop pouting, complaining, obsessing over the things that are not going my way right now. Because I have MUCH to be grateful for. Mainly, this guy.

Easter Sunday 2010

He's awesome. He is so loving and understanding and patient with me this crazy wife. And I love him lots. We are blessed beyond measure and THAT is what I am keeping close to my heart.

This turn in events was, in no small way, facilitated by MDH saying that HE is going to stop focusing on the house we haven't sold and that HE is moving on mentally from it. Hey, someone had to go first.

Feels like I'm cheating... AGAIN!!

2010-05-11T09:25:00.002-04:00

If you want a YUMMY 20 minute dinner that's diet friendly and sure to impress, this is it! BBQ Salmon, brown rice and sugar snap peas.

Here's the WW point breakdown:

Salmon fillets = 3 pts

BBQ Sauce = 1 pt

Sugar snap peas = 0 pts

1/3 cup dry brown rice = 4 pts

Dinner total per serving = 8 pts

If you forget to thaw your salmon overnight in the fridge, soak in cold water for 15 minutes. While gathering your supplies, preheat your oven to 425 degrees. Your rice takes the longest to cook, so throw it in the water and turn it up to boil. Spray a baking dish with Pam and arrange salmon fillets in the dish. Brush BBQ sauce to cover tops, and the excess on the bottom of fillets. Bake in the oven for 14 minutes. Lastly, throw the "steamable" frozen sugar snap peas into the microwave for 4 minutes.

Enjoy your super easy dinner, that is good for you and tastes like you worked hard for it!

Show Us Your Life - Baby Names!!!

2010-05-08T13:35:00.007-04:00

I know this seems like a crazy (or torturous) post after yesterday's depressing one, but I've always (like my girl Adair) been obsessive about baby names. So I wanted to participate, even if it is a day late, in Kelly's Korner's blog carousel!!!

I have lots of "name rules" that I'm a stickler for (in no particular order):

1. The name that they "go by" can't be too common. With every name we consider, I check the social security rankings. I'm not kidding people! It cannot be in the top 20 for that gender, preferably not in the top 50. My "given" name was Amanda Jill. I was an Amanda born in 1979. There were 4 Amandas in my Kindergarten class of 20 kids. That's 20% of the class!!!! I got sick of being Amanda M., so I decided in the 1st grade that I wanted to go by Jill. I love it, it fits me, but I don't want this to happen to my child.

2. I'm traditional and Southern, so I want at least one of their names (first or middle) to be from our family.

3. The entire name, first middle and last, has to sound good together. To achieve this, the following guidelines must be followed:

The name they go by has to sound good with our last name.
The last letter of the first name and the first letter of the middle (or last) name cannot be the same letter or sound. We could never have a Jacob Brooks Black, for example.
The first, middle and last names together must have an odd number of syllables, because it's just more pleasing to the ear. If you don't believe this one, try it. It's true.

4. The name has to sound right for an adult. With every name I think, "Could s/he become a CEO, an engineer, a doctor or an attorney with this name and be taken seriously?"

5. No ridiculous spellings of traditional names. Don't ruin a perfectly good name like Caleb by spelling it Kaleb. It just makes you look like you can't spell!

I can't help it! I'm OCD! Don't judge me! Now, on to the names.

Ever since I was a young girl, I've heard stories about my great-grandmother (my mom's maternal grandmother), Grammie. By the time I came along, she lived in a nursing home and had severe Alzheimer's. She was struck with this horrible disease, that also took my Meme (her daughter), at the age of 55. You read that correctly, she was 55 years old when she began to show signs of early dementia that eventually developed into Alzheimer's. She was an AMAZING, TOUGH, Southern woman. She divorced Poppa after her children were grown, because he was mean-as-a-snake, back when it was not common at all. And she supported herself by turning sheet metal on an assembly line in an aluminum plant next to some of the roughest men around. When I say she was a tough lady, I mean it. She was a woman that most certainly passed on her strength and determination to the women in our family (we get the crazy from her ex-husband!). And for that reason, if we are blessed with a daughter some day, she will carry on the legacy of my Grammie with her name.

Clara

It's classic, beautiful, not too common and I LOVE IT! We still have not decided on a middle name. This topic of conversation even came up at dinner last night with no resolution. Since she will have one family name (which I'm very insistent upon with our children), I don't mind if we just pick something we like. We will probably use Matt's middle name, Lindsey, which is much prettier for a girl than a boy! There is also Matt's mom's middle name, Erin, that we like. I also like Faith, just because. But Faith would break my "odd number of syllables" rule, so I don't know if I could. We'll cross that bridge someday, I hope!

For a boy's name, we are still somewhat undecided.

I had it all worked out when it was just me (you forget that you have to agree with someone else as a teenager). My Papaw was my-most-favorite-very-special-person. He was the man who stepped up to be my father, when my own was nowhere to be found. He was the first "love" of my life really. Words cannot express how special this man was to me, and he was taken from me much too soon. I was 14 when he died from bone cancer. I always thought I would name my son for him, and still might. ;) My Papaw's name was J.T. He, like Adair's grandfather, named himself. It was common back then for people just to name their boys initials only, which is what my great-grandparents did. When Papaw went to register for the draft for WWII, they asked him his name. He told them J.T. was his name. They insisted that those were initials, not a name, and asked him what they stood for. So he told them the first thing he could think of, James Thomas. My cousin Jennifer, whose father's name is also Thomas, used that for her son's middle name. I always thought I would use James with Grammie's maiden name, Durham. But we can't have ALL the names come from my family. :)

Right after we got married, I fell IN LOVE with a boy's name. It's not a family name. It has no particular meaning for us, other than I love old Hebrew boy names from the Old Testament. Think about it, Elijah, Ephraim, Abraham, Asher, Canaan (I still love this one, and is in contention for a second boy's name as far as I'm concerned), Jacob, Caleb, Matthias (which I think is an awesome take on Matt's name, Matthew), Joshua, and the list goes on. It took Matt a while to come around to the name I fell in love with, but he loves it too now. If we are blessed with a son, his name will be

Levi

Like Clara, it's traditional yet not too common. Besides, Levi Black sounds like a jazz musician's name to me. Since our family is full of engineers who play the trumpet and are not particularly athletic, I think it fits. :) As for his first or middle name (he will be called Levi either way), that is still up for debate. Matt is sold on a VERY non-traditional first name, which breaks my rule of at least one family name. However it would give him the same initials as Matt (MLB), which he feels is sufficient for the family name tradition. It's a name that I kind of like, but it will get strong reactions either positive or (but mostly) negative from our family and friends. Matt wants to name our son Memphis Levi Black.

Being a child that chose to go by her middle name, I know full well that our child may choose to do the same thing. I want to LOVE both names that we give our children. I also want to ensure that we follow rule #4, which I'm not sure Memphis does. The only Memphis I've ever heard of is Memphis Raines from "Gone in 60 Seconds" and he's a car thief. This is not a legacy I want to pass to our child. But remember, parents have to AGREE on a name, and I have to let Matt have an opinion, right? So I'll save my veto for when I'm actually pregnant. ;)

Other family names in the running to be paired with Levi, as a first or middle name, include: James (after my Papaw, Matt's grandmother's brother and Matt's aunt Jamie), Victor (Matt's GP and uncle), William (Matt's stepdad), Wesley (Matt's cousin, MDH has not signed off on it's candidacy but I love the name and this is my blog!), and Mitchell (Matt's uncle, who has two sons that may want to use the name so we will probably defer this one, but it's a great name).

So there you have it! Still much to be negotiated when the time finally arrives, but the names that we will call our children are pretty much set. Now if Clara or Levi happen to have a sibling of the same sex, Lord help us because we have no idea!

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

2010-05-07T09:57:00.003-04:00

"You take it on faith, you take it to the heart.

The waiting is the hardest part."

I feel like this is my theme song (by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers). So here goes. I did not clear this blog post with MDH, and he rarely reads it, so don't mention it ok? We are waiting on a lot of things, and it SUCKS. We are waiting for this house to sell so that we can move on with our lives.

Let's face it, I'm approaching 31 and I can't just assume that I have all the time in the world to have children. All I've EVER wanted to be is a mom. Anyone who knows me IRL (that's blog speak for in real life) knows that I am, and always have been, a very maternal person. Motherhood is the deepest desire of my heart, and I will take it in whatever form it comes, but I have a real and deep longing to be pregnant. It's normal, age appropriate, biological, and I'm not going to pretend it's not there anymore, because it is.

I've also been plagued by the fear that I wouldn't be able to have a baby. Infertility is a real problem that many of my friends have faced, and it is a very real fear for me. There is no medical reason that has surfaced to support this fear, but it's real just the same. The thing about fertility is that you don't know whether you can or can't have a baby until you start trying. And we can't start trying until the house sells.

HOUSE = BABY

We can't afford childcare as long as we are paying two mortgages. And we can't afford two mortgages if I'm not working (at home with a baby, eliminating the need for child care).

So we wait. We wait for the house to sell. Because there is nothing else we can do. We wait, and wonder, will we be able to have the family we desire when we are done waiting? Only God knows. In the mean time, we wait. And it sucks.

Happy Graduation!!!

2010-05-03T21:17:00.007-04:00

I'm so incredibly proud

of my husband

for getting his Master of Science in Engineering

and his cousin Alex, on his way to being a CPA

(after passing a few tests) ;-)

Happy Graduation!!!!

Things I hate about being 30

2010-04-30T12:41:00.005-04:00

There are many things about being 30 that one can appreciate. Being more respected as a knowledgeable professional, an established group of good friends (if they've made it this far, they are likely to be around a long time), and a firm grip on reality are a few examples of what is good about being 30.

There are however, things that really SUCK about being 30. And I feel well qualified to write about these things since I've been 30 for 9 months.

First off, apparently your body gets some sort of cosmic memo when you turn 30. All this crap that has never been a problem starts going to hell in a hand-basket. Take say, your metabolism. In your teens, you are in the best shape of your life. You eat anything you want and still have an amazing figure, yada yada. I've accepted that reality as GONE. However, I had no idea that the instant I turned 30 my body would SLAM ON THE BREAKS of my metabolism like the metabolism train is about to plummet off a proverbial cliff! It's ridiculous! I'm having to work so much harder than I used to to stay a size 8. A SIZE 8 PEOPLE!!! I've never even had kids and I'm struggling to stay a size 8! I have a tiny frame, TINY. A size 8 is at the TOP of my healthy weight range, just before being overweight.

Secondly, you begin to have problems sleeping. If sleeping were an Olympic sport, I [previously] would have earned a Silver metal. The Gold has to go to my cousin Erika, she's the champ. I was SUCH an awesome sleeper, my mom had to wake me up on EVERY Christmas morning of my childhood to see what Santa brought. SERIOUSLY. I love sleeping, sleeping's my favorite. Too bad I can't fall asleep to save my life these days. I actually have to have a set bedtime ritual, executed to perfection, in the hopes of falling asleep. RIDICULOUS.

Thirdly, and this is just for women in my situation (married near or after 30 who are not pregnant or do not have children yet), people think it is their place or business at all to remind you of the age of your uterus. Those well meaning ladies at church who are friends with my mother-in-law ask me, "So when are you all gonna have us some babies?" [insert my polite answer as to why we are waiting that is truly none of their business] Followed by their response, "How old are you?" I'M THIRTY, [THANKS FOR THE REMINDER, LADY]. While raising their eyebrow they respond, "hmm." AAARRRRGGGGG!!!!! Thank you for not-so-silently judging me, my life and our family decisions. I'm KEENLY aware of how old I am, how old I will (or hope to) be when our children graduate from high school, and what the risks are. But really, it helps for you to remind me with your raised eyebrows.

So there you have it, my top 3 things that SUCK about being 30.

Baby Industry Soap Box

2010-04-20T19:14:00.005-04:00

**WARNING** This post is likely to offend you if you are now, or have ever been, pregnant. I love all of my friends with kids, and most of this blog post is driven by the industry not you. However, please read with caution.

If any of you have had a friend or TEN go through the pregnancy/registry/shower/baby process, you will know what I'm talking about. With new technology that allows us the opportunity to discover the sex of babies before they are born, the baby industry has gone over the deep end. I call it the baby industry*, because that's what it is.

*It's very similar to the wedding industry, making brides feel like they HAVE to have this and that for their wedding. It is exactly the reason that the average wedding in the US now costs between $21,000 and $24, 000!

But I digress. Admittedly, I do not have children, and have never been through the pregnancy/registry/shower/baby process. I do have some sort of idea that babies need a lot of stuff. However, I don't think they need as much stuff as some people are convinced that they need!

Like I was saying before, the baby industry has gone nuts with gender specific baby gear. I can understand wanting to know the sex of a baby before it is born. You are able to buy gender specific clothes and decorate a nursery. I get that part. What I don't get is the compulsion to get everything you "need" for a baby in gender specific colors.

I have a family member who is expecting their first child, a girl. Everything on their registry is pink, DOWN TO THE BABY BATHTUB! What will they do with the bouncy seat, highchair, bathtub etc that they could have used with their next baby if it happens to be a boy? I've seen people out in public with a pink stroller and car seat (and it was obviously a first child)! REALLY?!!?!! Those are big ticket baby items that could be reused with a second baby if the parents hadn't lost every sense of practicality that they previously possessed before being handed a scan gun in the baby store!!

Of course, there are always exceptions. If you are having multiples of the same sex and your hubby is going in for the snip-snip the week after you deliver, fine. Buy/register for all the pink or blue crap that you want. But I just don't understand not wanting to, or having some understanding that you could, reuse some things from one child to the next. It's more crap you have to buy (which I guess is why all that stuff comes in pink or blue). I understand that some things wear out and can't be reused, and I get being excited about your baby. But I really don't understand wanting everything in your house to be pink/purple or blue! I'm sure even if your gear is gender-neutral, that people will know what sex your baby is by the pink/purple or blue clothes they are wearing!

Although I have heard from many moms that this is not always the case and people are totally oblivious when saying how cute "he" is when "he" is wearing a pink shirt with purple flowers all over it!

Clothes are a whole different matter all together. I've heard from the older generation that baby and children's clothes were much cuter 15-20 years ago. Baby clothes were all in soft colors of yellow, green or white with baby type designs. That may or may not be your taste. But apparently the older kids' clothes were much more diverse in color, not just pink/purple or blue. Because parents get so used to buying pink or blue for their infants now, clothes makers aren't even trying anymore. I know parents who get excited if they can find clothes in any other color (and I'm sure I'll be one of them some day)!

So there you have it. I've finally owned up to my #1 baby industry pet peeve. Maybe it's the hippy in me not wanting to over-consume or be wasteful. Maybe it's the frugal wife who sees all the other things that can be done with money that is spent replacing every piece of baby gear between children. I don't know. But it is my absolute NUMERO UNO pet peeve about the baby industry.

If I've offended any of you, I am sorry. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or piss anyone off. If you bought a pink car seat, that's your prerogative. It's just something I don't understand.

Waiting...

2010-04-19T22:28:00.003-04:00

I'm tired of waiting. For this house

to sell. So that we can get on with our lives.

Speaking of getting on with our lives, Matt has 2 more days of grad school left.

FINITO!!!

Which is making both of us a bit more antsy about the ONE THING that's holding us back.

And we keep trying... and praying

2010-04-14T13:03:00.005-04:00

Look at those beautiful azaleas in bloom!!!

The Open House on Sunday did NOT go well. We had one couple, one single lady (who wasn't sure if she wanted to move or not) and 2 ladies from the neighborhood come. No real potential buyers. The ladies from the neighborhood were nice and complimentary. They said now that they had seen the property, they would refer anyone they knew to us.

So after lots of crying (me), and prayer (both), we've decided to pay more $$ and upgrade our online listing to include an MLS (Multiple Listing Service) listing. By doing this, all property searches that use MLS will now return our property in their searches, for hopefully more exposure. We are also offering a 3% finders fee to the buyers agent, so that agents will show our property to their clients without fear that we may not pay them.

For those of you out there that are praying folks, please pray that we find our buyer soon. It's not about the money, but the emotional burden. I've blogged about not being able to sleep, chronic exhaustion, sadness, feeling overwhelmed, etc. It's all STRESS from this HOUSE. Stress can do nasty, nasty things to a person, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Luckily, since God and I had a heart-to-heart on Sunday evening, I've felt much better. Add in my exercise accountability and walking buddy helping me MOVE and work out some of that stress, I feel like a new lady. But it seems cyclical. I'll do well for a while, then get overwhelmed or sad. It's the WAITING and NOT KNOWING and being POWERLESS to do anything that is so BURDENSOME. So those who are so inclined, please send up a prayer for Matt and me while we wait!

Seriously Cool DIY find of the Day!

2010-04-10T12:56:00.008-04:00

Confession: I'm addicted to the DIY Network. All of it. Sweat Equity, 10 Grand in Your Hand, and Yard Crashers (more for the host than anything, WHEW Ahmed is hot!) top the list. Because I'm constantly watching DIY, I'm constantly coming up with crap to do to our house(s) UGH!

Our NEW home has a fantabulous bathroom,

with original 2" black and white tile floor

expertly made classic cafe curtain in a lovely damask print

we'll overlook the little sewing accident while making said curtains

and some kickin' artwork (if I do say so myself) courtesy of the LOVELY Melody Hood

One of our projects on the list is to ditch the ugly CREAM (no idea the thought there when the tile was "aged" white) tub and shower surround, replace (if needed) underlying tub, and tile the shower in such a way that pays homage to the rest of the fabulousness in the bathroom. I'm thinking white subway tile with a banded inset of 2" black and white checkered mosaic tile that matches the floor! Ugly tub and shower surround not pictured, because no more people than HAVE to look at it while showering should suffer.

That's a longterm project goal that may never get accomplished if we don't sell THIS house!

However, something that I'm considering doing fairly soon was inspired by the Seriously Cool DIY find of the Day. Obviously being over 70 years old, the original tile and grout on the floor need some TLC.

The era of the home dictated that the tiles were UNsealed, which means that they are stained in some areas. I'm going to try this cleaning technique and pray it works on MOST of the stains.

Then I'm going to PAINT AND SEAL the grout in one step with this product in the Natural Gray color, because that's the main color (other than the stains that are present) that the grout has aged to over time. And with this house, we are doing everything we can to keep the integrity of the Craftsman Style and period in which it was built. It will be labor intensive considering the floor is 2" TILE (think tiny art brush and hands and knees), but will give us pretty, clean grout that is stain-resistant!

The LAST step is to go ahead and seal the tile to prevent further stains. I know this will take away a little from the authenticity of the floor. But it will prevent further staining of the tiles over time, and make the floor a bit more slip-resistant (which is important for a bathroom!). Hopefully by choosing the "Natural Look" Penetrating Sealer they won't look too glossy for the period.

So there you have it! For all you DIYers out there with old, dirty, unsealed (or OLD-sealed) grout, I wanted to share this project. This also may be good for those of you out there trying to breathe life into your grout in order to sell a home! I totally wish I had found this project a month ago or I would have done it in our old house before the Open House tomorrow. OH WELL!

It feels like I'm cheating Weight Watchers recipe of the evening

2010-04-08T19:42:00.005-04:00

Hi all! I thought I would share this yummy dish I just whipped up in literally 15 or 20 minutes with what I had in my house! I had some left over asparagus from an Easter casserole that was about to go bad, 2 TBSP of 1/3 less fat cream cheese from a Sip-N-See I hosted a couple of weeks ago, a lemon that was about to spoil from the punch at the same shower, and an opened box of whole wheat spaghetti. Then I remembered a yummy recipe from a cookbook of mine to adapt and voila! Since my husband hates asparagus and I love it, I made 2 servings - one for dinner and one for lunch tomorrow. :)

Here is the adapted recipe:

2 servings of whole wheat spaghetti (8 points)

1/2 bundle of asparagus cut to 1-1.5 inch pieces (ZERO points)

1 TBSP olive oil (1 point)

1 garlic clove (ZERO points)

1/2 cup skim milk (1 point)

2 TBSP of 1/3 less fat cream cheese (2 points)

Zest of 1 lemon (ZERO points)

dash of nutmeg

1/4 tsp of salt

ground pepper to taste

1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese (3 points)

2 servings = 15 points, 7.5 points per serving

1. Cook spaghetti until al dente

2. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add garlic and asparagus and sauté, tossing constantly for 2 minutes. Pour in about 2 TBSP of water and cover pan. Cook until asparagus is just tender, about 5 minutes. Combine milk, cream cheese, lemon zest, nutmeg, salt and pepper. Pour mixture over asparagus and bring to a boil, let simmer until preferred consistency.

3. Drain pasta and return to pot. Pour on the asparagus sauce, toss, and stir in Parmesan cheese. Serve immediately.

YUMMY! It feels like I'm cheating, but I still have 3.5 more points for the day! Time to raid the Easter candy ;)

Under Attack

2010-04-08T15:35:00.007-04:00

So I'm ready to completely acknowledge that I am under attack. For those of you who feel that spiritual warfare is "wierd," you may want to skip this post! We Methodists don't really talk about spiritual warfare often if at all, but I grew up in a Methodist church in ALABAMA. Truly, it was more like going to a Baptist church where we said the Apostle's Creed, but I digress.

It took a textversation with my girl Christie for me to realize that the devil has been really working me over lately. She texted me at 11:20pm to make sure I was ok, because she had been thinking of me all day. Luckily, I was able to "talk" because I'm having trouble sleeping... I was telling her about how much that our house not selling was weighing on me. She was telling me to "COMPLETELY give it over to God," so that I could quit worrying about it and "pray for God to take it everytime it crosses your mind. Because if you've really given it up to God completely, and you're still thinking about it, it's the devil trying to take control of it."

I was amazed that I had been on her mind all day. Matt and I had a rough night the evening before, really talking over how emotionally burdensome this house has become. And I woke up meditating on Matthew 11:28, "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." The Holy Spirit is cool like that. He gave me the words I needed, and encouraged a friend to pray for me all day. Because He already knew what I discovered while texting with Christie, that I was under attack.

I told Matt before he went to bed (and before Christie texted me) about the verse I woke up meditating. And I told him, "I know the scriptures. I have the answers. I just need to be reminded from time to time. The Holy Spirit and I are cool like that." Talking about the Holy Spirit kinda wierds Matt out (he grew up in the church we now attend, which is more like an actual Methodist church where you don't talk about spiritual warfare). It brought me comfort to be reminded in such a direct and obvious way that God is with me wherever I am, whatever I'm going through. As much as I KNOW that I am under attack from the evil one, I am reminded that GOD is fighting for ME, so I need not worry!

Cool, huh?

New landscaping!

2010-04-02T18:35:00.005-04:00

No, not on the house we live in. We can't do anything there until THIS house sells:

And why wouldn't it sell? There is nothing left to do to it!

I will admit, I had lots of fun at the nursery picking out the flowers for the window box. Hopefully in a couple of weeks you will be able to see them well. There are dark pink geraniums, light purple torenias (clown roses) that will cascade, and 2 vinca vines that will cascade as well. We also got pink petunias for the hanging baskets, and of course the azaleas went in last week (they are a dark pink/light purple like the torenias).

I'm not really a fan of pink, but flowers come in limited colors! I could have done some red today in the window box & hanging pots, but the azaleas were already in and they were PINK so I had to stick with it. I can't have my flowers clashing and looking all crazy.

So now we are officially finished with all the improvements at 146 Lynda Circle. The landscaping was the last thing left to do, and it's finished. I'm so glad. Now if we could just get someone to come look at it! Hopefully our open house on April 11th will go well. If you are in the area, come check it out & bring a buyer with you!

Struggling...

2010-04-01T14:35:00.010-04:00

So, obviously I've "fallen off the wagon" with Lent, so to speak. It started out so well, and I was so enthusiastic, but here lately I'm struggling. My Lent was about something that I should be doing all the time, not just for 46 days. I should be focusing on the blessings that I have and the things that are going my way, instead of selfishly obsessing over the things I don't have. I know all of this in my head, but my heart is stubborn like me. And so I struggle.

My struggle is ambiguous. It's hard to describe or pin down into one thing. But it's real just the same. I have a job that I LOVE. I have family and friends that I LOVE. I have the most AMAZING husband that I LOVE and adore with all that I have in me. I have a gorgeous house that I LOVE, with a front porch and a rocking chair that I get to enjoy while I'm working (in a job that I LOVE). I mean look at what we're doing this afternoon:

I am blessed beyond measure, but still I struggle. I'm having a hard time falling asleep, even when I'm exhausted. I'm trying to stay positive about the house we're selling, but look at how long it's been since we started trying to sell it! That's right folks, over 7 MONTHS. UGH. We had it listed with a realtor for 6 months to no avail, and now we are doing it on our own. We've worked really hard in the last few weeks improving the one thing that was consistently lower on the feedback from our showings, curb appeal. We are hosting an open house on Sunday, April 11th 2-4pm. Hopefully something good will come of it.

This is before:

If you can't tell, the foundation and trim are a "country blue" color that I've ALWAYS hated!

This is after:

Taupe foundation and black trim, with landscaping and shutters (those teeny bushes are azaleas). Tomorrow we add a window box under the picture window & hanging plants!

If you know ANYONE in the Chattanooga area looking for a great starter home, that's close to downtown, in an awesome neighborhood in Red Bank (that's county not city taxes people), please send them our way!!! I loved living in this house, and am very attached because I bought it as a single girl. It's a great house that I spent lots of time and money updating and, if I do say so myself, it's a fabulous buy! Here's the link to our listing!!!

In the mean time, I'm going to continue to remind myself how blessed we are that we could even MAKE this move and afford 2 houses so that we could get the house of our dreams while we wait on the perfect buyer (or ANY buyer) for our first home. I'm also going to try and pull myself up out of this funk, with the good Lord's help. Prayers are appreciated, buyers welcome!

Lent is a process...

2010-03-15T22:57:00.004-04:00

SO, I missed Sunday AGAIN. But I'm still grateful! Obviously, these Sunday Gratitude postings are not in order of priority, but they are inspired. This week I am particularly grateful for GRACE! That ultimately means that I'm grateful for my salvation, yes. But even more than that, I'm grateful to be a child of God. I'm glad that HE is my Father, my Judge, and my Redeemer. I'm grateful that God sets the standards for me, and gives me GRACE when I fail, just like a Father does with His child.

Sometimes I feel guilty, because I take for granted the amazing gift I've been given. My heart has belonged to the Father since I was so young, it's part of who I am. I can't look back on a time "before" I became a Christian. I was raised in the church, by a wonderful loving mother. I was Christened at 3 months old. I asked my mom if I could be baptized again when I was 8, and my pastor agreed to do so (even though I don't think it's technically Methodist doctrine to re-baptize someone). And the Holy Spirit entered my life in rather dramatic fashion when I was 14. In the [paraphrased] words of Brother Jim (according to my mother), 'I've never seen the Holy Spirit get hold of a child the way He did Jill.' I don't say this to seem Holier than Thou or brag, but to illustrate that God has always been in my life in a very real way. And for that I'm truly grateful.

Now, I admit to you that at times in my life I walked close to His side, and others I've been further away. But His presence never left me, and I'm constantly convicted and drawn back closer when I stray. Conviction is not at all bad. It's the loving correction of the Father, and I cherish it. Like any parent-child relationship, discipline shows the child you care about them enough to set limits for them. I'm grateful for God's conviction, knowing that with it comes His GRACE.

God loves us enough to walk with us, comfort us, guide us, convict and correct us. He loves us enough to cherish us, and count each hair on our heads (even the gray ones!). God loves us enough to create us, and draw us into His presence through the sacrifice of His only Son. Most of all, more than anything, I'm grateful to be a child of God.

MONDAY Gratitude?

2010-03-08T17:07:00.003-05:00

I was SO BUSY Sabbathing yesterday that I totally forgot to blog. Lenten FAIL. But Lent is a process, not automatic perfection.

This week my MONDAY Gratitude is FRIENDS you can count on in a pinch, or small impalement. Regular readers know that we found this wonderful, dream of a home, because some of our BCFF (best couple friends forever) the Oakleys live up the street. Meghan came to small group and told me there was this super cute house that just got finished being remodeled that we needed to go look at. The rest is history.

So today, I had the morning off to make up for working over last week. I thought to myself, "I can bang out this simple cafe curtain for the bathroom before my afternoon meeting. I was having to fight with the fabric to keep it feeding in a straight line when I heard the machine make the CRUNK noise it does when it breaks a needle. Then I looked down and saw this:

OOPS!!!!

Then I walked in circles for a few seconds flapping my arms like a big sissy girl saying in a high pitched voice, "I have an emergency! I have an emergency!" THEN I ran out into the street, flagged down a sweet old lady that lives a few doors down across the street, and asked her to drive me to Meghan's house at the top of the hill.

Once Meghan finally answered the door (HAHA, she saw the strange car and thought it was a sales person!), just knowing she was going to help me caused me to calm down and stop crying. At that point it really didn't hurt that much, I was more scared than anything. We totally "pulled a Debbie"* before going to the hospital. I waited for her to change & brush her teeth, then she drove me down the hill and put the dogs up while I dressed and brush my teeth. I did NOT want to go to the ER in my JJs.

Sweet Meghan called ahead to the ER where she works and I feel I got a little special treatment for the hook-up. ;-) I do appreciate her sacrificing her day off from work, when she was supposed to be working on homework for school, to help out a friend in need. I mean she had to go TO WORK on her day off!

So today, on this MONDAY Gratitude I'm grateful for ALL of our wonderful FRIENDS that God has blessed us with. If you knew how many wonderful people that we call friends, well there isn't a blog post big enough to hold them all. If you're reading this, you're probably one of them!!

*Our friend Debbie lied to her hubby after she started having contractions and down played it so that she was able to take a shower and fix up before delivering their 2nd son! He believed her so much he almost left for work before she fessed up that her water had broken!

Sunday Gratitude

2010-02-28T15:10:00.003-05:00

So this Sunday's Gratitude was a little more challenging to find; it's been a rough week. We have been faced with worry, tough decisions, and stark reality. Matt's grandmother (Grandy) went into the hospital this week with difficulty breathing, but she is home now and doing much better. Our contract with our Realtor expired this week, and we were faced with decisions about how to proceed in selling the old house. In general our hearts and minds were very heavy.

Instead of focusing on those things that were causing worry, for Lent I am trying to focus on the blessings we have. This week's Sunday Gratitude is FAMILY!!! When crisis strikes, you see who is really around you, who you can count on. This week I saw what a wonderful family we have, and what an amazing group of people I picked to marry into!

We are so blessed to have Matt's grandparents still here with us (mine are waiting for me in heaven ;) ). His mom and step-dad, aunts and uncles, are all such amazing, loving people who have been so accepting of me. They really do come through in a pinch, let me tell ya. My mom ain't too shabby herself. She called me every day to check on Grandy and to let us know she was thinking of us.

In the midst of worry and heavy hearts, God reminds me that we are truly blessed to have such a large, wonderful FAMILY who will walk with us through good times and bad. We are especially blessed with the wisdom and love that only grandparents can give, and I count myself lucky to have that experience again. I thought as time went on and I got older, that it would get easier not having my own Meme and Papaw around, but notsomuch.

So, take time this Sunday thank God for your FAMILY. And if you are blessed enough to still have them here with you, GO HUG YOUR GRANDPARENTS!!!

Join the blog hop (even if it isn't Sunday) and tell us what you are grateful for!

Sunday Gratitude

2010-02-21T20:13:00.013-05:00

OBVIOUSLY I am grateful throughout the week, not just on Sunday. But I wanted to "take on" something, as well as "give up" something this Lent. SO, as part of my Lenten season Fast from discontent, and feast on gratitude, I have chosen to write a Sunday Gratitude post each week focusing on one thing (of many) that I am grateful for.

For my first post, I chose to write not about the thing that I'm necessarily most grateful for, but the thing that stands out for the week. This Sunday Gratitude is SUNSHINE!!!!! Yesterday was the first day of real, semi-warm, enjoyable SUNSHINE in about 4 months. We truly had a gorgeous weekend here in Chattaboogie, and I was extremely grateful.

I will admit, this winter was seriously starting to wear me down physically and emotionally. The clouds, rain, snow and dreariness were playing a large role in exacerbating my discontent of late. Now obviously I can't blame it all on the weather, but it certainly didn't help. I know that I must take responsibility for the things I was doing, and not doing, to worsen my moods. But I sure was glad to get a little help from my friend SUNSHINE this weekend!!

[she sings, "I get by with a little help from my friends"]

AHEM. Sorry.

So I went to worship this morning, with a grateful heart and a smile on my face, in no small part due to the beautiful SUNSHINE that God gave us this weekend. His whole creation is beautiful; everything He made is perfect.

[she sings, "You make everything glorious, and I am yours! What does that make me?"]

AHEM.

But the SUNSHINE that shown all around and warmed our faces this weekend reminded me that I AM GRATEFUL!! I am grateful to be a child of God, blessed in so many ways. And I will continue to feast on gratitude.

If you want to participate in Sunday Gratitude, write your own and link up here!!!

My LATE LENT blog post

2010-02-20T23:17:00.004-05:00

So this year I had a tough decision to make. I fumbled around for several weeks about not knowing what to give up for Lent this year. All the while, there was one thing that represents what draws me away from the gratefulness I should have for our God and the blessings He gives. It doesn't matter what it is, and for my own sake, I'll keep it to myself. The point of Lent is to re-focus our hearts and minds on what truly matters, do what we can to draw closer to our God, and to prepare to receive God's grace through the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. That being said, it's not too late for you to find YOUR ONE THING.

Our Prayer for Living the Lenten Discipline

Pastor: Now we are called to remember the sacrifice Jesus made for us on the cross. We are called to prepare ourselves for both Jesus' death and His resurrection, knowing as we do so that as we die with Him- so also we will rise with Him. We are called to a holy fast- and a holy feast in each of the days of this season.

Congregation:

So let us:

Fast from complaining, and feast on appreciation.

Fast from negatives, and feast on affirmatives.

Fast from unrelenting pressure, and feast on unceasing prayer.

Fast from hostility, and feast on tenderness.

Fast from bitterness, and feast on forgiveness.

Fast from words that pollute, and feast on the phrases that purify.

Fast from self-concern, and feast on compassion for others.

Fast from idle gossip, and feast on purposeful silence.

Fast from judging others, and feast on the Christ within them.

Fast from discouragement, and feast on hope.

Fast from discontent, and feast on gratitude.

Fast from facts that depress, and feast on truths that uplift.

Fast from lethargy, and feast on enthusiasm.

Fast from thoughts that weaken, and feast on promises that inspire.

Fast from problems that overwhelm, and feast on prayer that undergirds.

Strengthen us, O God, to complete the fast with humility, have mercy upon us and save us.

Amen.

Enough for Today

2010-01-06T10:06:00.003-05:00

That was the title of my daily devotional. I started receiving The Upper Room (a United Methodist publication) email devotional on Monday. I signed up here. It is short and a great way to start the day.

Anyway, it put some things into perspective for me that have been on my heart lately. It also reminded me of one of my FAVORITE old hymns we used to sing! Feel free to sing along as you are reading!

I KNOW WHO HOLDS TOMORROW

I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine,
For its skies may turn to gray.

I don't worry o'er the future
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.

There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One who stands by me.

And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

I hate New Year's Resolutions...

2010-01-03T22:00:00.002-05:00

So I'm not making any. Instead, I'm just going to "ponder" a few things. My dear friend Meghan taught Common Ground Sunday School today. She is in school to be a Nurse Practitioner at Southern Adventist University, but is obviously not Adventist since she was teaching at a Methodist church! However, she did share with us some of the Adventist beliefs about spirituality and health. Adventists live generally long and healthy lives, the most strict are vegetarians. They believe that our bodies are not ours, but on loan from God. But the thing that struck me the most is that they view healthy eating, exercising, rest, and general care of our bodies/minds/spirits (all intertwined) as an act of WORSHIP!

So how's that for adding motivation to all those new goals? It's not about VANITY, fitting into those favorite jeans or looking good in a swim suit. It's about HONORING GOD. The basis of their beliefs is living the life we were CREATED to live, following principles in the book of Genesis.

C-Choice

Choice is the first step toward improved health because people who believe they are in control over their own lives are healthier and live longer.

R-Rest
Rest is good sleep and also taking time to relax. Relaxation lowers blood pressure and reduces stress.

E-Environment
Environment is our external world but also affects what happens within us for the better or worst.

A-Activity
Activity includes physical and mental conditioning. Our goal is to be active in mind, body and spirit.

T-Trust
Trust in God speaks to the relationship between spirituality and healing. A link exists between faith and wellness.

I-Interpersonal Relationships
Interpersonal relationships strengthen our well being. Social connection fortifies our resolve and improves our health.

O-Outlook
Outlook creates our reality. Our mind influences our body and our attitude impacts our health.

N-Nutrition
Nutrition is the fuel that drives the whole system. Small improvements and strategic substitutions produce profound results.

the above is copied from www.creationhealth.com

I took their test to see which principles of health that needed improvement in my life. So in the spirit of accountability, I need improvement in Choice, Environment, and Activity (the last being the greatest need by far).

Following Meghan's lesson was Brian's sermon in The Vine titled "The Quest for Spirituality: The Ultimate Thirst Quencher" based on John Chapter 4, Jesus's encounter with the woman at the well. He spoke of spiritual thirst, a desire for God's presence. Both of these lessons summed up where I am right now, what I want.

I am taking the first step in improving my health according to the CREATION principles. I CHOOSE to live the life I was CREATED to live in the PRESENCE of God. And hopefully, I will remain mindful of my daily choices regarding my mind, body and spirit.

A NEW kind of Christmas

2009-12-07T23:46:00.003-05:00

Long time, no blog, I know I know.

I wanted to share the Sunday school lesson I wrote for the first Sunday of Advent. Advent is a time of preparation, anticipation and hope. As Christians we celebrate Advent on the 4 Sundays leading up to Christmas Day.

During this time of the season, we are usually occupied with lists and gifts and hustle and bustle, but what are we really preparing for?

Most people have favorite Christmas traditions, whether from their childhood or new ones created as adults with our own families. What about this Christmas season do YOU anticipate the most? What is your favorite tradition?

MY favorite part of Christmas as a child was my whole family spending all day at Meme & Papaw's house. After opening gifts from Santa on Christmas morning, each daughter's family would pack up (children with favorite new toy in tow) and head to Meme & Papaw's for lunch on Christmas Day. It was so much fun, because if there was something that you didn't get for Christmas, chances are someone else did and you still got to play with it! When I was a little older, Mom and I started a tradition of spending all day on Christmas Eve watching old and new Christmas movies and baking treats! To this day, White Christmas is still my favorite Christmas movie. Or is it It's a Wonderful Life? Or the ORIGINAL Miracle on 34th Street with little Natalie Wood? What was I saying? Oh yes, a different kind of Christmas.

Matt and I started the tradition of celebrating Advent as a couple the year we got engaged. We read the Upper Room daily devotional for Advent together each night, sometimes over the phone! The first year we were married we participated in the Advent wreath making event at church and made a beautiful live wreath, remember? We complete our observation of Advent by attending the midnight Christmas Eve service at church, my favorite. The rest of this season, the rest of what we have made Christmas about, stresses me out! The lists, the malls, the parking lots, the traffic, the bills, and on and on, I can do without.

As we leave the time of Thanksgiving and are reminded of our many blessings, even though times are hard, we are still truly blessed. Our homeland is peaceful, our bellies are full, and each of us can cling to someone who truly loves us (whether family or friend). Ever since I attending the "Adventures in Missing the Point" *conference at First-Centenary, where we hosted the two authors of the book of the same title Brian McLaren and Tony Campolo, I've been thinking about ways that I've missed the point. I immediately thought of Christmas.

*This conference blew me away and I am SO incredibly thankful I was there. If you haven't read either of these authors, I suggest you pick something up. "Adventures" is a great place to start.

We recently studied the history of many of the denominations of Christianity, ending with Methodism. Each doctrine we studied had something worthwhile and admirable to give us, but it confirmed that I am right where I should be. I am Methodist to the core. I'm not saying we have it right and no one else does, I'm just saying it's right for me! Having said that, I wanted to see what the Father of Methodism, John Wesley, had to say about Christmas. My web search turned up a sermon entitled "The More Excellent Way" based on I Corinthians 12:31.

"But eagerly desire the greater gifts. And now I will show you the most excellent way."

He based an entire sermon on the verse directly preceding I Corinthians Chapter 13, the love chapter.

We as Christians are all striving for the most excellent way (not to sound too Bill and Ted-ish) in our walk as Christians, that's the point. Advent is about preparing our hearts to celebrate the birth of Jesus, our King. So what is the most excellent way we can spend the season of Advent 2009?

Christ is God's greatest gift to us. And the more I walk with him I come to realize His purpose for dwelling among us, was not ONLY to save us from sin, but to TRULY bring God's kingdom to Earth. We are called as His children, disciples of Christ, to bring God's kingdom to our world (as we know it).

Christ even taught us to pray:

"Our Father, who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name,

thy kingdom come,

thy will be done,

on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil."

Matthew 6:9-13

And we are told to "seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." Matthew 6:33

All of these lessons appear in the greatest sermon ever given, Christ's Sermon on the Mount. It tells us just how important the message of the kingdom is to our lives. Jesus spent some time preaching, but what we read about mostly is Him healing the sick and feeding the hungry.

As we think of our own celebrations of the birth of Jesus, what can we do to truly honor Him and celebrate His reason for coming to Earth? What can WE do to bring God's kingdom to OUR world? I'm not talking about ditching Santa and breaking the hearts of children worldwide. Just consider starting a NEW family tradition. For your relative who has everything, make a donation in their name to a charity you think that they would appreciate, or volunteer together as a family. Think about what YOU can do to make Christmas about REAL MIRACLES again.

I will admit, this lesson was not totally uninspired. The seed was planted on my heart LAST Christmas by my friend Sarah's blog post that included the link to the Advent Conspiracy promo video for 2008. I tried to get Matt to buy into the Advent Conspiracy totally, throw out the lists and make donations in our friends' and family members' names, but he wouldn't hear of it. He loves giving gifts. SO, I'm going small scale this year, starting with a few folks I know who will really appreciate it. But really, I'm just trying to follow the advice of my dear John Wesley.

"Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times you can."

Maybe if we Christians followed this advice more often, the kingdom of God might be a little closer to our world's reality.

1 Year Ago...

2009-09-21T12:33:00.003-04:00

Technically, one year ago today, Matt and I were driving back from picking up our car at Laurelwood from when the keys got locked in it at our wedding. Our friends were well-meaning, and we're not mad, but it was a hassel!

Matt and I celebrated our FIRST Anniversary yesterday!! Since we are TOTALLY BROKE and moving, we decided to celebrate with a nice dinner, eaten on our never-before-used wedding china, and exchanging letters (since the traditional first year gift is paper). I focused so much on the dinner that I forgot about writing his letter until he had already given me mine!! I'm such a slacker. To add to it, he thought of an extremely adorable free paper gift for me that made me feel even more like a slacker. He got me a wonderful card AND a change of address form from the Post Office! Isn't that cute?? I just love my sweet husband and am so glad he picked me!!

Happy Anniversary Matt!!!

SO... I guess all 3 of you want an update huh??

2009-09-09T21:43:00.003-04:00

WOW!! It's been a while, sorry.

OLD JOB UPDATE = It's over, finito, done, adios, see ya later, I'm gone! BUT, my super sweet co-workers that appreciated and supported me threw me a going away party. :'-) They even got Matt and I a gift card to Low*s to help us settle into our new home. They rock! Well, most of them rock.

OLD HOUSE UPDATE = Our house is still for sale. We had an offer that came in ironically from a friend of ours (she requested a showing and then figured out by the pictures on our walls in the listing photos that it was our house). The offer was the best that she could do, but not what we needed to even squeak by. Our counter offer was the best we could do, but not something she could afford. So we wait. We all hope that if the house is still on the market in a few months that we will be able to work something out. It would be nice to sell it to a friend that I know will love it like we did.

NEW JOB UPDATE = I HEART MY NEW JOB.

OK fine, I will expound on that statement. My first day I was greeted with, "Jill, we're so glad you are finally here! We are taking you to lunch at Tony's today - I hope that's OK. You don't have other plans do you?" SWEET! All the ladies in the office are really nice, and most of them are in my peer age group. They have staff socials, are all friends on Facebook, and actually like each other.

I'm TOTALLY overwhelmed with all of the training material I have to learn in order to do this job, but practice makes perfect. I finally got completely settled in with the job today with UTC ID card, my own laptop with email that works, shared Google calendar, and my desk has been "moved in" for a while. All I need now is for my new Blackberry Curve to arrive FedEx (supposed to come today, have no idea why it didn't) and I will be SET.

I will be gone to Knoxville for a whole week next week for training (to learn and be certified to train foster parents). We leave Monday and return Friday :( That's the longest Matt and I will have been apart since we got married and it's the week before our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! BUT, I will get a chance to see friends and family that I don't see very often while I'm there.

NEW HOUSE UPDATE = Everything is going along as planned. The inspection and appraisal are done and we expect to close the week after our anniversary and move the next weekend. YAY!!!!! We are blessed that we don't have to wait for our house to sell to go ahead and get into our new one. It isn't the IDEAL situation, but we are ok. Our current house is adorable and will sell when the right buyer comes along. In case you need a reminder as to why we are excited, THIS is our new house!!!

Isn't it adorable?? We just LOVE IT! Now, if only I could motivate myself to pack a few boxes. HMMM.

MARRIED LIFE UPDATE = September 20th is our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I can hardly believe it. The first year is full of adjustments, but we have weathered it well, enjoyed 99% of it, and we are immensely blessed. In case you didn't know, I have an AMAZING husband that I love more than I could ever express. He even helps with the dishes and does his own laundry in addition to being good to me. Does it get any better than that??

Daydreaming

2009-08-20T15:19:00.005-04:00

Since I'm a short timer here at work, I've been daydreaming about my new house. OH HOW I WOULD LOVE A NEW BEDROOM. I doubt any of this will happen since we will probably be BROKE after we move in, but if I could decorate our bedroom with all new stuff this is what it would look like.

The bedding is from Pottery Barn of course! I would forgo monogramming the duvet, but definitely order the monogrammed standard shams in Green Apple. I would make the nice big square Euro Shams and trim the bottom of white curtains with the Betz White Sprig and Sprouts blue/green organic cotton/hemp blend fabric. We would HAVE to order a new comforter from Pottery Barn to go in the new duvet cover - made from echo friendly materials, organic cotton outer and mirco-poly fill made from recycled plastic bottles!!

I would paint 3 walls in the Behr "Mississippi Mud" color with 1 accent wall where our bed would be in the Behr "Chocolate Cupcake" color. Keep in mind our bed is white ornamental iron that my Papaw made for my mother, so it would really stand out. Do you like how I used "Paint" to go ahead and paint the walls of the bedding picture?

This is all just wishful thinking, but a girl can dream can't she????

UPDATE: Life is moving quickly, get out of its way!!!!

2009-08-18T12:27:00.008-04:00

First, I know all [2] of you have been waiting on the "big reveal" of our kitchen face lift! Matt worked SO HARD on the new doors and drawer fronts. They really look wonderful and have breathed new life into that tired old kitchen. In addition to the cabinets, I painted the walls a hot new color and put fresh white paint on the wood trim. I was also really sick of all of my cookbooks just stacked on top of our microwave. So we hung a new shelf above the spice rack and it looks FAB if I do say so myself! Without further ado...

BEFORE

AFTER!!!

Second, you all [probably] read about my NEW JOB that I am starting next month. We are both so very excited about this position and what it means for our family. I will be happier and have much more flexibility. I can do paperwork from home or wherever I choose. And because it involves some nights and a few Saturdays, I will have time off during the week to do things like workout, clean and shop while Matt is at work, so that we have quality time at home together. I will also likely have Fridays off with Matt (who has every other Friday off), so that is something else to look forward to.

Third, this NEW JOB also means that we are buying a NEW HOUSE!!! No, I don't get to enjoy my new kitchen for long, but the new owners will (let's hope that the potential buyers love "New Avocado" as much as I do)! Matt and I fell in LOVE with a house down the street from our friends Meghan and Daniel a few weeks ago. We went back and forth about it with the owners, prayed a lot, and decided not to make the move until we knew about the job. We stayed the course with the improvements we wanted to make to get our house ready to sell (hence the kitchen face lift). We knew that if it didn't work out with us getting the new house, at least we would be living in a prettier house than we were before! Here is the flier from our dream house! Now, pray the inspection and appraisal goes the way that we hope!

Now you are all updated on what happened LAST WEEK!!! Matt said on Sunday that he didn't want to start a new week. We'll never top the week we had last week. Our friend Debbie said, "the only thing missing is a baby!" Thanks Debbie, we will wait a while. :)

THE CALL

2009-08-13T11:21:00.004-04:00

SO, yesterday I got "the call." No, not from God to enter the ministry. I received the phone call that I've been waiting on for a long time. Remember when I took that long break last month because I had a lot on my mind that I felt like I couldn't talk about? Or an opportunity that I had been waiting on for a while that might not be worth it? Or do you remember me feeling really trampled on?

Well, all my prayers have been answered. My heart is at peace. I have no worry or fear, only joy and anticipation!! I am starting a NEW JOB on August 31st!!! My concerns about time are at ease. Yes I will lose some evenings and a few Saturdays with Matt, but I will also have more time at home while he is at work to do things I don't want to do when he is there!! So the time we do have together will be less guilt-ridden and much higher quality. :)

I even did a little happy dance in my cubicle (that I WILL NOT miss working in!) to celebrate!! SEE?

Well you can't REALLY see the essence of the dance, but it's a self portrait - very difficult!

SO, thanks to everyone who has walked with me through the "dark valley" and prayed for me. I appreciate all of you. For those who didn't know what was going on, just be happy for me ok?!?!?!!!!

NOT ME!! Monday

2009-08-10T15:43:00.007-04:00

I would NEVER dream up a way to give our kitchen a "face lift" in order to list our house on the market that would leave me in the air conditioned house all weekend painting while my husband slaved away in the hot garage making new cabinet doors and drawer fronts!! Nope, not me!

I did not ask my husband's opinion on the new wall color for the kitchen, and while he went to another part of the store have the paint vendor mix my color preference instead of his. And I CERTAINLY wouldn't rub it in that it was my choice of color not his once he said how much he liked it!! NOT ME!

I have not ONCE rubbed in the fact that I know more about home renovation than my husband, then had to apologize and explain that it's only because I've watched more TLC, DIY and HGTV than any one person should. Nope, not me.

I am not counting down the days to when our kitchen is put back together and pretty, you know - just in time to sell the place. I mean, I've only been looking at these ugly 1985 cream laminate disaster cabinets for four years!!! NOT ME!!!

Show Us Your Life - Wedding Dress, Party and Reception

2009-08-06T09:00:00.002-04:00

My other blogging buddies have been participating in this OH-SO-FUN blog carnival from Kelly's Korner called "Show Us Your Life." I felt a little left out because I missed the first two weeks, but I wanted to be sure not to miss this last week of Show Us Your Wedding series!! SO, it hasn't been THAT long since my wedding, but I thought I would participate this final week anyway!

Week 1: Show Us Your WEDDING DRESS

I loved my wedding dress. It was simple, but elegant for an outside wedding. It took what seemed like FOREVER to find the right pattern, because my fantastic mom made it!! Yep, it was super special because she made my dress and veil. The lace on my veil was from my aunt Pam's veil that my Meme made back in 1969! I loved it all. It was very sentimental and special for me!! Here are some pics!

Week 2: Show Us Your WEDDING PARTY AND CEREMONY

We got married September 20, 2008 at the gorgeous Laurelwood Farms on Signal Mountain. It was really the best weekend ever (even with that one little hiccup of locking the keys in the getaway car)!!

My wedding party was made of my bestest 6 friends that I've been collecting since childhood. When it came to their dresses, I wanted them to have something they loved, looked good in, felt good in AND could wear again. So I purchased all of their fabric and each girl picked her own dress pattern (they just had to be knee length) and had it made!! Voila!! A beautiful bunch of ladies!

from left to right: Lamm, Christie, Melissa, me, Mere, Betsy, and Hilary

Matt threw tradition to the wind and chose his best friend Beth for his Best Maid along with his 5 bestest guy friends. She wore a black dress and stood with the boys; she even had a pin-on corsage to match the boys' boutonnieres!! Isn't she just adorable? I felt sorry for her having to hang out with boys all day.

So there you go, our wedding party.

For the music we had a harpist and a trumpet (which I LOVED).

For the flowers I went bright to offset the rich chocolate brown of the dresses. It was fall, but early fall and still warm, so I really didn't want to stick to just yellow/orange that most people do with chocolate brown. Each flower had meaning (almost). The thornless red Jacqueminot Rose is the symbol of my sorority AOII. The yellow rose was my Papaw's favorite (and mine); I remember him giving Meme 3 yellow roses on their anniversary, one for each daughter. The purple iris was Meme's favorite; she planted a sea of purple irises on the bank outside their house. I can't see one without thinking of her. The mango calla lily just made for pretty boutonnieres!! See, I said almost!!

Matt and I had a wonderful time planning the different pieces of our ceremony, especially picking our scripture and planning the foot-washing. Yes, we had a foot-washing. The very first thing we did after exchanging vows and rings was wash each others feet. It was very special and moving, until I couldn't get Matt's sweaty sock off. Oh well, that's just how we roll!

So that's pretty much a summary of our wedding!!

Week 3: Show Us Your WEDDING RECEPTION

Matt and I wanted to throw a hellova party for our reception. It was on the grounds at Laurelwood in their fantastic barn!! We danced the night away to our handpicked play list on the computer piped in through the speakers (GREAT way to save $$). We put together a "dinner music" playlist (lots of Sinatra on that one), a "first dance" playlist , and a "party" playlist ('nough said). I am fairly certain that folks had a blast, but heck you can see for yourself!

THE CAKE was a bit of a fiasco (though no one knew it but us). I'm VERY picky about cakes because my UBER-talended mom used to make them for extra income. NEVER would a cake of mine be frozen before coming to my wedding. NO fondant icing allowed (yes it's beautiful but it tastes like cardboard). I wanted a chocolate cake with chocolate cream cheese icing for the bride's cake. We even made them do a sample cake for me to taste (I HAD to order it through the caterer, long story). The sample cake was perfect. What showed up at our wedding had about 1/3 the cream cheese in the icing that the sample cake did. But what do you do? It's there, you've cut it and they've screwed you. Not much you CAN do. Anyway, at least they got the decoration right (you can't really screw up putting flowers and cake toppers onto a cake).

My husband was mad because he thought that the groom's cake was supposed to be chocolate. Oh contraire bonjour. I wanted chocolate for MY cake, he had to pick something else! After several weeks of back and forth, I appeased Matt with the idea of a dessert table with all of his favorite pies. Our sweet friend Lara even made the centerpiece as part of our wedding gift, complete with a Buzz mascot!!!

(picture taken by Christie B. Griffin)

Mom kept bugging me about table decorations. I was trying to save money, so I said we didn't need any. She wouldn't leave well enough alone, so I told her she could spend $5 per table. This is what we came up with!

The sheaf of wheat is also a symbol of AOII, so after the wedding I packed them all up and shipped them to my sorority sisters at the Nu Beta house! They use them as center pieces for different events, so I'm told :) It also pays homage to my slight obsession/addiction to coffee!! Lamm loaned us the votive holders, so it cut costs even more!

YAY!! Time for Matt and Jill to leave!! WOOHOO!!!

About 5 seconds after this picture was taken, Matt said "Where are the keys?"...

Well, the photo album looks like it was a perfect day ;) Our photographer even offered us a ride home! Instead, we rode 1 hour down the mountain in the back seat of Lisa and Bill's car (Matt's mom and step-dad). We drove back up the mountain the day after the wedding to get Matt's car, and all of our belongings and IDs. Luckily, we didn't leave for Jamaica until Wednesday!!

So there you have it! More than you ever wanted to know about our wedding!

**picture credit for this entire blog post (except where noted) goes to the FABULOUS Melody Hood of Innamorata Photography**

Lara's baby shower

2009-08-05T13:35:00.016-04:00

Our women's small group (Bible study group) has been excited for a very long time to help Lara and Bryan welcome a baby into their family. We just had no idea (nor did they) that God would work in their lives the way He has. We are all truly amazed by the great blessing He has given to them.

Lara and Bryan are our friends who had just finished filling out their adoption paperwork when she found out she was pregnant, that I mentioned here. They have decided to adopt after little Hayden is born! They may have TWO BABIES by Christmas!! She is so amazing and dedicated to healthy living and treading lightly on this great Earth that she is going to cloth diaper both babies!

Well, it was finally time for us to plan Lara's baby shower. Since Lara has her very own organic garden, and her nursery is garden themed, we thought it the logical theme for her baby shower. So we got to work on the plans, and OF COURSE I called Lamm to design the invitations!!

Of course, last names, addresses and phone numbers have been removed.

Aren't they ADORABLE??? I was quite proud of coming up with the rhyme!! We wanted to make sure and acknowledge that Lara and Bryan are awaiting the arrival of their birth daughter, Hayden and an adopted sibling.

Anywho, this was the best shower I've ever co-hosted! We just did "everyone bring a dish" so no one person was overwhelmed (except maybe Merrell, she had to clean her house!). I signed up to bring the dessert, sugar cookies. My MIL gave me her/Grandy's coveted recipe and all the fun stuff to make them for Christmas and I've been DYING to try it out!

Well, I grossly underestimated the time it would take to roll out, cut, bake, ice and decorate 24 large cookies. But all the effort was worth it. They turned out so CUTE! I even found a cookie cutter at my favorite craft store that was a large flower with a small cookie bumble bee to stack on top, perfectly matching the invitations! SEE?!?!?!

Note to self: do not stack bees onto flowers until you've arrived at the destination (carry separately), some poor little bee faces got smushed :(

Here are all the ladies from small group (except Meghan who had a little trouble finding Merrell's house) that attended the shower.

Note to self: do not wear this outfit again until you have lost 10 lbs.

And here is Lara with her sister-in-law, neice, nana and mom.

Lara got tons of cool stuff for both babies. Her mom made a little sweater and booties (so cute); her nana made a blanket, and Meghan embroidered some onsies, a blanket and some bloomers.

Yep, Lara is cracking up because the onsie says "organically grown"

I think Lara's favorite gift was a few items of clothes worn by Bryan's favorite cousin that they are so close to. They were very special!

Fun was had by all (except Bryan waiting back at home). Bryan promptly got some horrible flu while we were at the shower and is now in quarantine at his mother's house for a week. Bryan needs prayers of healing, Lara needs to not get sick, and baby Hayden needs to stay in Mommy's belly until Daddy is well enough to welcome her into this world!!

We can wait a week to meet you Hayden!! Stay in Mommy's belly!

HOTTY TODDY I'm ready for football season!!!!

2009-07-29T11:57:00.005-04:00

SO, today one of my most famous sorority sisters Katie F. Ward posted this video to her Facebook site and I am so PUMPED!!!

Check it out

This is why I miss Oxford!! This is why I love football season in the south, and I KNOW we do it better than ANYONE ELSE!!!

Not to mention this Sports Illustrated preseason poll that puts Ole Miss as #7!! It's going to be a GREAT FALL!!!

HAPPY 3-OH to me!

2009-07-28T14:07:00.025-04:00

So, as you know, I turned 30 last Thursday! Mom sufficiently humiliated me at work by sending a cookie bouquet along with the 16x20 GLAMOR SHOTS print from when I was a Freshman in High School. The delivery sat at my desk for over an hour before I got back to the office and everyone had a good laugh. HAHA. Unfortunately with this new phone I can't figure out how to pull the pictures off, so my blogging friends will have to imagine 14 year old me, the iconic Glamor Shots flag jacket, rhinestone earrings and all.

Thursday night, my husband took me to P.F. Changs for dinner! But not before revealing my "mystery gift" in the garage. I have been banned from our garage for a good 3-4 weeks; there was newspaper over the windows and everything. It was all because my amazing husband was MAKING my gift. It's something we've wanted since we got married and it's so special that he made it for me. He would get up at 5am, dress for work, go out to the garage, change clothes into bum clothes, work on my gift for an hour, change back into his tie and work clothes, and go to work. Without further ado, I give you CORNHOLE!!! And because we are staunchly loyal to our respective undergrad alma maters, this is how we do cornhole in OUR FAMILY.

Anywho, I had lunch Friday with my local BFF Mere at one of my FAVORITE lunch places, Petunia's Silver Jalapeno. It's an old silver airstream trailer joint that has THE BEST fish tacoes ON THE PLANET. Top it all off with a homemade from scratch peach milkshake (that's fresh peach slices and Mayfields vanilla ice cream and milk) and you've got yourself a fantabulous lunch!!

My sweet father-in-law and step-mother-in-law gave me a certificate for a mani-pedi, which I promptly used Friday afternoon in preparation for my birthday party. When I pulled up to the nail salon to meet my mom (in town from Cinnci) I noticed my BFF Hilary (from Indianapolis) through the window. She rode down with mom for the weekend to surprise me! EEK! AND THEEEEN Hilary and I got home from the salon (Mom had run to the "grocery store") when Mom delivers my BFF Melissa (from VEGAS) that she just picked up at the airport!!! Double EEK!!!

Melissa, me, Hilary
These ladies traveled the farthest for my big celebration!!!

SATURDAY is when we had my birthday party and my BFF Lam m (from Atlanta) came up with her husband Keith and baby Knox. My godmother Brenda also came up Saturday from Birmingham. My sweet husband FINALLY broke down and gave me a Pandora bracelet that I've been wanting since Christmas with the cupcake charm for my birthday. And each of my sweet and loving friends and family got me a bead or set of beads to add to it! Each bead means something between me and that person, and it's just perfect! See?

We all loaded up and headed to the park for the celebration. Lamm surprised me with a custom birthday hat and a "Pin-the-Crown-on-the-Princess" game that she made with a photo of me when I was 3!! That was lots of fun. Some folks did well and some not-so-well as you can see!

Here are some pics from the party for you to enjoy!

Mel, Lamm, Me, Hilary, and Mere - love these ladies!!

Knox dressed up for the occasion. He heard that every girl's crazy for a sharped dressed man.

Grillmaster Ken and me (he's my big brother, can't you tell??)

I collected school supplies for the Inner City Ministries program at our church in lieu of gifts. Check out the LOOT!!! I'm so excited to deliver this basket to the church!!!

Thanks to everyone who donated supplies, came to my party from near and far, sent me wishes and cards, and otherwise recognized this monumental birthday! I'm blessed by you all!!!

Not ME! Monday returns - or so I thought

2009-07-27T10:14:00.006-04:00

After a small hiatus from blogging, (ok I took almost a month off, SUE ME!) Not Me! Monday has returned!! Check out the totally cute new logo!!

So I started this post as a "Not Me! Monday" post, but when I went to MckMama's page to phish off this logo, I was shocked to see little Stellan in the hospital again. He's been doing so well and their life has been so "normal" for so long that I was very surprised. Her "tweet" in the side bar quotes Dr. B saying, "He's in bad shape." I just read her blog post seconds after I wrote this and their family is coming in to the hospital. This is as bad a shape as this baby has ever been in. Please pray for this sweet little boy and his family.

Overwhelmed

2009-07-22T10:25:00.004-04:00

I'm a bad bad blogger. A lot of stuff that has been on my mind lately I don't feel comfortable blogging about just yet, so I've avoided my blog altogether.

Since I last blogged, Matt had his 27th birthday. He reminds me often that he turned the age I was when we met. Thanks hunny, I remember. I got ZERO pics of his birthday, bad wife. I did buy him an awesome ukulele for his birthday. It's an authentic ukulele from a maker in Hawaii. He loved it. I still don't have any pictures of him playing it, but hopefully when things calm down I can get some.

Matt has been working an insane amount of hours trying to get a job out on time. They were supposed to post July 15th, then the deadline was Friday, July 24th. Today they were told that it's been extended to Sunday night and they are expected to work this weekend. BTW, my 30th birthday is tomorrow (more on that later). So, he's wrestling with doing a good job, giving me time, properly celebrating my birthday, etc. We thought after they extended the deadline once that we would at least (FINALLY) get to sleep-in together, enjoy the day and have my birthday party in peace. Not so much. Oh well. I know he feels horrible about it, so I try not to complain and make it worse. At least we will have 5 or 6 hours on Saturday to celebrate.

Matt being gone so much lately is starting to really affect me. By the end of the day Sunday (the 19th) he had crammed 6 weeks worth of hours into 4 weeks at work. Monday and yesterday I think he worked about 21 hours in 2 days. My love languages are Physical Touch and Quality Time (I'm bilingual), so obviously I am affected by this.

Last night I lost it (again, this seems to be a regular cyclical occurrence). I feel so overwhelmed and I can't break out of it. I will have a good week or two, then a bad. I never can seem to time my counseling sessions with bad weeks, so we've yet to address it. UGH. Anyway, there are a lot of things that are important to me as a wife.

I love Jesus and want to have a close relationship with him, so I need and want to spend time studying the Word.
I love my husband, so I need and want to spend lots of quality time with him.
I want to be healthy and feel good about myself, so I need and want to exercise regularly.
I want us to eat healthy, nutritious foods, so I need and want to cook good meals often.
Clutter stresses me the heck out, so I need and want to keep up with housework.
I want to take care of myself, so I need and want to get to bed in time to get a good night's sleep.

These are all things that are of the absolute highest importance to me, and they are ALL things that are daily or nearly daily things that need taking care of. BTW, I work a full-time job too. I am stuck in this vicious cycle of setting goals for all of these things, FAILING MISERABLY, flipping the heck out about it, trying to do better, setting more goals, FAIL, flip out/ rant, and so on. This has been going on for 3 freakin' months now and I have NO IDEA how to do any better.

THEN I start to think if just keeping up with life is hard now, what happens when we are ready for kids??? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!??!!

OH, and BTW I turn 30 tomorrow, chubby, childless, and totally overwhelmed. AWESOME.

Praise and Trust

2009-07-01T15:39:00.002-04:00

A couple of girls in my small group have adopted this motto in the last month or so, and I think it's my turn. I've got a couple of things in the hopper and I'm feeling better about life in general. At least things are MOVING instead of me feeling STUCK like I did here.

So that's what I'm going to give my God, praise and trust.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you and watch over you."

Psalm 32:8

Health, Love and Wealth...

2009-06-25T11:19:00.003-04:00

And Time to Enjoy It. That's what the pewter plate reads that was given to us for our wedding by GP and Grandy (Matt's grandparents). It sits in a plate holder on top of our refrigerator. The same plate spent many years in GP and Grandy's kitchen, and it meant so much to us when we received it. And now, today, I realized how much more I treasure the gift and the blessing inscribed on it.

My friend Karson faces a very long battle ahead of her, that started this morning with the first of her INDEFINITE chemo treatments (that's right, indefinite, straight from her doctor's mouth). I noticed our plate this morning, and it rocked me to the core. It sits beside the bananas, and I get a banana for breakfast every morning, but today I really noticed it and read it for the first time in a while.

Life, love, family, friends, time are such precious gifts from God. Brian preached about it Sunday. The way we choose to spend our TIME each day, each task, are the most important decisions we make. No one is ever faced with their own mortality wishing that they spent more time at the office getting work done, or the gym trying to perfect our physical appearance, or in the yard trying to have the greenest lawn on the block. When faced with the big stuff, life or the end of it, we want more TIME with the ones we LOVE.

I am possibly facing an opportunity that may take more TIME from me than I am willing to give. Even though I've been waiting a while on an opportunity, this opportunity just may not be worth it. I can wait a little more, I guess. In the end, I will thank me for it. Right now, I have HEALTH (thank you Jesus); I have LOVE from an amazing man and so many family and friends; I have enough WEALTH to be comfortable. In light of all of that, I choose to spend the TIME I do have enjoying it!

Not Me! Monday

2009-06-15T13:55:00.005-04:00

It's that time again!! To enjoy MckMama's Not Me! Monday, click the link below.

As for me, let me start by saying that I enjoy Not Me Monday whether you enjoy reading it or not! So if you're sick of it, tough.

Last Monday evening, I did not spend the evening making new friends with some ladies from church, UMW Circle 10, who coincidentally DO NOT have their monthly meetings at a restaurant away from the church in an excuse to have kid-free, husband-free, vino-enjoying dinner!! NOPE, these do NOT sound like folks I would hang out with at all, nor do they affirm why I'm a Methodist. Ahh.

On that note, I ABSOLUTELY did NOT wear a Wine Over Water t-shirt to see Steven Curtis Chapman on Faith and Family Night at Riverbend because I thought it would be hilariously ironic!! If I had done that, I wouldn't have been just a teeny bit embarrassed to run into friends from the Emmaus Community wearing said shirt.

I did not spend most of the concert sending unanswered text messages to my husband in bumble Kentucky where he could not receive them because I missed him so much.

I definitely DID NOT spend most of the time that Steven Curtis Chapman was talking about his adoption ministry Show Hope thinking about the possibility of a blended family of my own some day!! Nope, NOT ME!!

I did not spend each night Matt was away on his golf trip up past 1 am because I could not sleep. Not me!!

I did not fib about a stomach bug so that I could stay home from work and sew on Wednesday, only to find myself in the toilet minutes later with, you guessed it, an upset stomach. That Kharma's a bitch I tell ya.

If I had done that, I still would not have enjoyed staying home and sewing on Wednesday in spite of physical ailments!!! :D

On same said Wednesday, I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT send a mass email venting my frustrations about cancer (see post below) with the title Cancer Can Kiss My Ass to friends, family, and oops the pastors at church!!!! NOPE, NOT ME!!!!!!!

I was not so excited to see my husband when he got home on Thursday that I totally forgot about a phone call consultation I had arranged earlier in the week, not me!

I did not totally screw up our Saturday plans by thinking a birthday party that was actually 2-4pm was 4-6pm and we did not show up 15 minutes before it was over!! nope, not me!!

I was NOT totally mortified at the messy condition of our house on Saturday when my friend had to come over and feed and walk the dogs while we were in ATL.

I did not spend a couple of hours on the couch Sunday napping, furthur complicating my attempts to fall asleep at night. Nope, NOT ME!

Cancer Can Kiss My ASS!!

2009-06-10T17:23:00.002-04:00

That about sums it up. Cancer can kiss my ass, it sucks. I love my friend and I don't want her to have cancer again, but she does. So I'm just going to ask for prayers. Karson and Jason need it, and so do we (their friends and family).

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/karsonbeaty

Not Me Monday!!

2009-06-08T09:49:00.002-04:00

Not Me Monday is a blog carnival hosted by MckMama where we are given the opportunity to confess the reality of our daily lives! To read MckMama's Not Me Monday post, click the link below.

I did not use the excuse of being sore from Sunday's hike to skip workouts Monday AND Tuesday. How long has it been since I went to the gym???

I did not avoid answering a phone call from my mom on Tuesday while I was at small group because I KNEW she was calling with concerning news about my friend Karson needing prayers (news I had been on pins and needles waiting on for two days). NOT ME, I always deal with reality in the moment, so it would be totally out of character for me to do that. So I DID NOT.

I certainly did not ask myself every day the rest of the week if I really had to get out of bed. Yep, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning I popped up happy as a lark!! And IF I had tried to avoid getting out of bed those days, it certainly would not have cause me any concern about my own mental and emotional health.

I did not spend the last hour of my work day researching and writing previous post on cloth diapering. NOT ME!! I would NEVER do that!!

After such a crappy week that didn't happen, I wasn't able to throw my cares away for a few brief hours on Friday at Riverbend while seeing The Red Headed Stranger in concert for the first time ever!!! That's right folks, I DID NOT see THE Willie Nelson in concert and he did not totally lift my spirits with those old bluegrass gospel favorites like "Will the Cirlce be Unbroken," "I'll Fly Away," and "I Saw the Light". And if I HAD seen Willie perform all of these magnificent songs, it wouldn't have prompted me to immediately search online when I got home for any gospel albums he's recorded to request as birthday gifts this year. Nope, not me!!

I did NOT wait until 11:30am to get out of bed on Saturday, and it did not take me until 4pm to get around and take the dogs to the dog park!

I did not spend Sunday evening enjoying the musical talents of The Wailers at Riverbend. Nope, I did NOT see Bob Marley's band LIVE!!!

I am certainly NOT going to miss my DH Matt while he is gone on a golfing trip with his dad. Nope, not me... sniff.

MAMA-JAMA Cloth Diapering Blog Post!!!

2009-06-05T13:49:00.007-04:00

SO, as most of you know I'm super passionate about being good stewards of Gods magnificent creation...

NO I'M NOT PREGNANT AND AM NOT PLANNING TO BE FOR A GOOD LONG WHILE (just in case this post title sent off any alarms). BUT when that time comes I am VERY interested in doing the cloth diaper thing! Hey, if it was good enough for my bum it's good enough for my babies' bums too!

Ahem, AS I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted by my nosy readers. There are many benefits to cloth diapering and TONS of resources out there for moms and dads (present or future) who are interested but totally intimidated by the idea.

Cloth diapers have evolved to be JUST AS CONVENIENT as disposables, if you are willing to do an extra load of laundry every 2-3 days (and the cost benefits alone can motivate someone to do that). If you don't want to mess with the "old fashion" prefolds and covers, you can opt for the super Dad/Grandparent/Childcare Worker- friendly pocket diapers or all-in-ones. For those road trips, overnight stays, and outings where you just can't do cloth, there are always the biodegradable disposables.

ONE: God's Green Earth. That's right, we're riding on it. It gives us life, air, food, water, a place to put our loved ones, and some pretty cool hiking trails to boot! Anywho, a conservative estimate, according to the numbers in this article (8 diapers per day for first 4 months (newborn), 6 per day from 4-24 months, assuming potty training by age 2 (which these days is unheard of), a baby will go through 4,560 diaper changes. That's the CONSERVATIVE number. Assuming that a child is closer to 3 when potty trained, that conservative estimate would grow to 6,720!!! That's a bunch of diapers (that contain lots of nasty chemicals) to put in our landfills.

TWO: Money, money, yeah, yeah. According to this article, the estimated cost per disposable diaper is $0.29 and rising. Using our above conservative estimate, it costs AT LEAST $1,322.40 to diaper a baby in disposables for 24 months, maybe more depending on the sales tax where you live and your diaper changing habits. If your child is 3 before s/he is potty trained, the cost is at least $1,948.80. These estimates don't include nighttime trainers after the daytime transition to undies. WOW. This article at SunshineDiapers sites a cost of around $400 to set your FIRST baby up with cloth diapers all the way to potty training (it also has TONS of good facts). YEP, that's about A GRAND in savings (or more) for your first baby. I say that because many parents are able to reuse their cloth diapering system with their 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and so on children (if you plan to have the dang VonTrapp family that is).

THREE: Baby's Bum. Do you really want all those chemicals (chlorine, perfumes etc.) on your little one's precious tushy?? Cloth diaper babies have fewer instances of diaper rash, AND drumroll please... potty train MUCH sooner than disposable diapered babies.

CASE STUDY: MY precious baby tushy. My mother only used cloth diapers on my precious bum. That is, until we took a beach trip (I think I was about 9-10 mos. old at the time). My virgin-to-disposable-diapers booty broke out into a horrible rash that my mother proceeded to clear up by ripping it off and putting me straight into the salty ocean waves once we arrived. I'm surprised I don't remember this special form of abuse and torture even to this day. She says "you screamed about it, but your rash went away." CRAZY LADY!

And really, really, cloth diapers are not as scary as they used to be. NO PINS, SEE??

Photo (c) Price Grabber

SO, are you curious? Wanting to know more?? Feeling guilty?? >;-) For more great reading about reasons and benefits of cloth diapers, use the links previously given in the post. They are great resources and articles. For information and reviews on modern cloth diapers from a REAL CLOTH DIAPER MOM, go to this post by the Simple Mom. She's having a giveaway of a cloth diaper package for some lucky folks, which inspired this post on my blog!! (giveaway now closed, I didn't win) :(

Remember my sweet friend Lara? She and her husband Bryan were going through the adoption process when she found out she was knocked up. >:-) Well, being Mother Earth incarnate that she is, she is planning to cloth diaper BOTH babies (SO amazing)!!! If I happen to win this diaper giveaway, they will be hers (goodness knows she will need them)!!!

UPDATE:
So I felt bad about not clearly laying out some resources for you all. Plus, I've found lots of good stuff since I wrote this!

The REAL CLOTH DIAPER MOM sited above did an entire week of blog posts all about cloth diapering as part of an ongoing series. She answers common questions, has videos demonstrating cleaning and changing cloth diapers of all kinds, plus the type/brand review that are fabulous resources. An earlier post she wrote defines the different types of cloth diapers, with pros and cons of each! The Cloth Diapering 101 series of new and older posts by Simple Mom is the most in depth and extensive resource for cloth diaper how-to that I've found. She even talks about all the other stuff you need to have (not just the diapers) to make life easy.

If you are interested in cloth diapers and want to learn more about products AND start an online registry, go to www.kellyscloset.com. I mean, the initial investment upfront for cloth diapers is definitely worth it, but it can get pretty steep (about $400 or so)! If you want help from friends and family, this online registry is great. They also have all the associated products that you need like a diaper sprayer, washable pail liners, wet bags and the like. They also have a good CONCISE fact page on products, care and how to.

If you are interested in 2nd hand cloth diapers as a MOST echonomical choice (other than free gifts from a registry :-P), head on over to www.diaperswappers.com. This is a network of moms that swap and sell new and used cloth diapers.

Another great website as a comprehensive resource of facts and how-tos is www.cloth-diapers-made-easy.com.

Those desiring a cloth diaper system that incorporates recycled wool soaker diaper covers can find a plethera of cottage industry businesses over at www.etsy.com who specialize in them. Just search for "cloth diaper wool soaker cover." I hear that these are especially useful without the cloth diaper under for potty training. They are easy for little one to pull on and off, and can catch and hold accidents better than undies.
.........................................................................

SO THERE!! You have my MOST exhaustive post on cloth diapering with TONS of helpful links. So, if you are a mom, mom-to-be, or even a mom-in-waiting interested in switching to or using cloth diapers, bookmark this blog post. Or do like I do and email the link to yourself and sort the email into a subject folder like "Mommy Resources" (not that I have a folder called "Mommy Resources" in my email account, that's just a suggestion) ;-)

PRAYERS NEEDED

2009-06-03T13:13:00.008-04:00

For all the 10 or so people who actually read my blog, here goes. There are PRAYERS NEEDED, so I'll just tell you about them.
First. Some of you know about my dear friend Karson, many of you don't. Karson and I went to graduate school together at UT Knoxville. We became friends through other friends really, but I am so glad we did!! Karson is one of those wonderfully infectious people that you just have to smile around, because she is always smiling! She has an equally dear amazing husband, Jason, whom I am also good friends with. The summer after we graduated, Karson went somewhere cool for like a month. We (her girlfriends from grad school) were in charge of entertaining and keeping Jason company while she was gone. Everywhere we went (out about 2 times a week or so), there were all the girls... and Jason. It was fabulous! Anywho, I say all that to say that Karson and Jason are BOTH very special friends of mine!

Karson and Jason

Karson was diagnosed with breast cancer in February 2007, she was 30 at the time. About half a year and a mastectomy of her left breast, a ton of chemo, sickness, joint pain and other side effects later, Karson was cancer-free. Many of you donated to Race for the Cure that year, many of you prayed for her, and I appreciate all of you.

Grad School Girls @ Race for the Cure 2007

Well, my sweet prayer warriors, it's time to hit our knees again to pray for this amazing woman and her equally awe inspiring husband. A couple of months ago they found a lump in her breast, which turned out to be nothing, but feared they may have punctured her implant during the biopsy. The CT of her implant was fine, but went down just far enough for them to catch a couple of nodes on her liver. This is very very bad. A closer CT has caused concern among her doctors and her oncologist has been pulled into the case. They are in the process of scheduling another CT and a liver biopsy (hopefully ASAP). Karson and Jason need our prayers of healing, strength, comfort and peace.

If you care to follow their journey, her website is below. If you sign her guestbook, you will automatically receive email updates when she posts a new journal entry. Or you can go and look at a few more pictures of my sweet friends whom I love dearly. They were both beautiful and amazing before cancer, and they are more so now - very raw and human, but positive and lovely. Please pray for my friends and all of us who love the Beatys so much. We need it very much right now.

Karson and me at our wedding last year

Tell everyone you love that you love them, right now.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/karsonbeaty

Second. This part is going to be a little harder. I need prayers. I have come to realize that I am struggling with depression. I've made an appointment with a counselor. I kept telling myself that it's situational and that it will go away, but I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. That was the kicker that I need more help. I'm very blessed and happy in certain areas of my life, others that are bad/have been bad for a long time have become unbearable and are now affecting the good parts. I can't compartmentalize it and deal anymore. Something's got to give! I am trying to avoid medication. I try to live "naturally" in my body as much as possible, because I really react to medication in an extreme way (especially those dealing with hormones). But I don't know. I certainly DON'T think meds are bad, NOR do I think those that take them are any weaker than anyone else. I'm just stubborn about what I want for myself, but I won't resist it if a professional tells me it's necessary.

So there they are, my prayer requests.

^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James1:2-4

NOT ME!! Monday...

2009-06-01T11:24:00.010-04:00

So apparently, MckMama is falling down on her Not Me Monday posts (it's been 2 weeks), but that doesn't mean that I have to! OK, I just saw on Twitter (no I'm not on Twitter, and I refuse to create an account, she just has a feed on her blog) that she is wrapping up her Not Me Monday post. Check it out here:

So, onto my confessions. It's been a couple of weeks, so we'll go way back.

I would never stoop so low as to cry and throw a hissy fit on the phone with the company that I ordered sewing supplies from for Caleb's baptism outfit (even though I knew I waited a little too long to order them) just to get them to overnight me another order. The tears and upset voice WERE real, you know, if I had done that. Which I certainly did not do.

I did not procrastinate sewing so much (even though much of it was not my fault, see above) that Caleb's mommy was worried her son would be naked, I missed a couple of kick@$$ bar-b-ques, and I was up until 2am finishing it. NOPE, I did NOT.

I wasn't just thrilled with how cute Caleb looked in his little outfit!

now for the close-up of the duds!!

Meredith and I did NOT skip our weekly walk on Wednesday due to storm clouds, and move it on inside to STARBUCKS!! How's that for a workout? We would NEVER do that!

When my friend Debbie called me for help outfitting her precious son Whit for his Elmo on the Farm birthday party, I did not shamelessly promote my friend Ashley's business and Whit did not look absolutely adorable in his custom birthday attire!

I did not throw another teary fit at the doctor's office on Friday because I was 25 minutes late for my appointment. I would not have gotten that upset that have I felt horrible for over a week, they moved my appointment out a day, then sent me to a different office I had never been to with horrible directions causing me to be late, then refused to see me. I would NEVER do that. And if I HAD done that, it certainly wouldn't have worked and I wouldn't have gotten to see the doctor anyway ;)

I did not put off cleaning my house on all those rainy days, because I'm in a bit of a funk (see previous crying fits that did not occur), and cause myself to have to stay in doors most of the day on this beautiful Saturday cleaning because I couldn't take it anymore. And if I HAD done that, I certainly wouldn't have predicted earlier in the week that it would catch up with me and I would miss out on some Vitamin D and a beautiful day. Nope, I would never do that!

I did not act like a big kid at Whit's 2nd birthday party, so much so that Debbie felt the need to send me home with a favor pail full of kids stuff and a coloring book!! :D

I did not spend most of our 6 mile hike watching our precious puppy Einstein have a ball and regretting that I never took my sweet Blaze on a hike with me just because Hurley can't go (she's got a uniquely formed foot that limits her ability for long walks/hikes) :(

Matt and Einstein enjoying the view at Edwards Point

And I certainly didn't shed a few tears while I finally said goodbye to the FIRST Man-of-my-house. I hope he's enjoyed hiking and smelling his little heart out everyday since he left (2/9/07). And I DON'T miss him every single day, I mean of course it gets easier.

Blogger Award!!!

2009-05-19T15:43:00.005-04:00

My sweet sorority sister Adair gave me this blog award!! She has been a blogging buddy for a while now. I love keeping up with her online; we haven't seen each other IRL since I graduated! :( Thanks for my award Adair!!! MWAH!!!

Here are the rules:
1. When given the award, you list 7 things that you love.

2. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you love.Be sure to tag them and let them know they've won. (You can copy the picture of the award and paste it on your sideboard.)

7 Things I love:

1. My Lord and Savior
2. Matt, DH (darling husband), love of my life, sweet sweet man
3. My wonderful family - biological, adopted (if I've adopted you as my family - you're there whether you wanna be or not), and married-into
4. My collection of friends - I say collection because I have a few BFFs from childhood, a few - ok just 1 from HS, a few from college, and a few from Grad School, and a few from Chattanooga - it's like I just collect them as I go through life!! I love them ALL!!
5. FOOD - namely chocolate, sushi, avocados, artichokes, olives, pasta, Ben & Jerry's... NOT all together
6. Finding new practical ways to be green and enjoying God's beautiful creation
7. My SWEET BABIES (the four legged kind)

7 Bloggers I LOVE

1. Hilary - doing what she can to make this world a better place!!
2. Lamm - being a FABULOUS work-at-home mom and a creative GENIOUS!!!
3. Lauren over at thickneckARTS
4. Christie's crafty creations over at The Silly Monkey
5. Sarah over at Makers and Water
6. The Busbys living life with 2 amazing kids!!
7. The Bevins family (I stalk, I mean follow their sweet family's story)

SOOOOOOO TAG YOU'RE IT!