Happy Birthday Levi!!

Yes Levi is ONE YEAR OLD!! YES it's been that long since I blogged about anything!  Our little man turned one on 4-4-12.  He weighed in at a whopping 19 lbs even :)  We had dinner with cupcakes on his REAL birthday.  Levi immediately picked up the cupcake, flipped it over, took 3 bites out of the bottom, & proceeded to throw the rest on the floor bit by bit.

For Levi's big birthday bash we decided on "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" for our theme since Levi loves books, and this book in particular.  The invitations were precious, and done by my girl Ashley.  Aren't they so cute?!

Of course after many years of "retirement" my mom, G-Mom made the cake!

I got most of the decoration ideas from Pinterest.

I didn't have the time or the inclination to do the entire "menu" from the book.  So we served BBQ from a local place, plus had the fruit that the caterpillar ate Monday -Friday and the "nice green leaf" he ate on Sunday for people to make salads.  The rest of the cards of all that he ate on Saturday were just for decoration on the table.

I had a friend of mine take pictures, which was a big load off of my shoulders.  She did a great job and it was one less thing for me to worry about.  We had her come early and do pictures of Levi with all of his grandparents (and my godmother).

Levi and "Binda" (my godmother Brenda)

Levi with Grandma and Grandad

Levi with Gramps and Nana

Levi with G-Mom

Levi with Mommy and Daddy

Matt and I went back and forth on what to get Levi for this very special birthday.  I still have the Jenny Lind rocking chair that my parents got for my first birthday, Levi loves it.  We decided that every little boy needs his very own little red wagon...

Levi and his buddy Franklin (they are 10 days apart)

Merry Christmas!!

We had a lovely Christmas with family.  We started at home opening gifts from Santa and exchanging gifts as a family.  We headed to Christmas Day worship service at The Vine, which was awesome.  We had brunch after church at G-Mom's house... we should definitely make Christmas Day french toast a tradition!!  And we ended the day by traveling up the mountain for Christmas dinner at Grandma and Granddad's house.  Here are some pics from the day!!

Mom had a quilt top made by my great-grandmother quilted by my great-aunt.  So special.

The YEAST monster

I've been a little behind on blogging, and I've been putting off writing this post for some unknown reason. But several weeks ago, heck it may have been a couple of months now, Levi and our diapers had YEAST! We were visiting the pediatrician for something totally different and he very nonchalantly said, oh and this is a yeast rash on his bottom, just get some whatchamacallit cream and it's no problem. He said basically any diaper rash that lasts more than a couple of days is yeast. 

Yeast rashes can be a REAL problem when using cloth diapers. First, you can't use any of the tried and true creams that really knock out the yeast rash with cloth. Second, it can be a real ordeal to get the yeast out of the diapers so that baby and diapers don't keep passing it back and forth.

My first priority was getting Levi some relief. So we ran out for a pack of disposables (BOO) and started using the cloth safe cream we had. I also ready here that disposable wipes (which is what they use at daycare) can feed yeast.  They were great about me bringing cloth wipes to school until the rash was gone.  The cream we had didn't work after a few days, so I started scouring the internet for other yeast solutions. But our friend Meghan stumbled upon this blog and suggested coconut oil.

Coconut oil is a miracle worker!!  It has anti-fungal properties and cleared Levi's rash up in less than 24 hours.  Plus it's cloth safe, so we can continue to use it in the future!  I bought a big jar at our local organic grocery store for $7.  I scooped some out and sent a small container to school, put a small container in the diaper bag, put a small jar in the nursery, and still have about half the jar in the kitchen!  We've also had a problem with a yeast rash around his mouth on his face from his lala, coconut oil is safe to use there too (I had been using my nipple cream, which is much more expensive).

Next was the diapers.  I was afraid to put the diapers back on Levi until our whole stash had been washed a couple of times with the yeast regimen.  I continued to use the yeast washing regimen for 2 weeks after his rash was gone on his bum to make sure it was gone from the diapers too.  I pulled from several articles and blog posts online and came up with the following routine:

1. Cold rinse with 20 drops Grapefruit Seed Extract dissolved in 2 oz of filtered water
2. HOT wash (turned water heater up to 130 degrees from 120) with regular cloth detergent and OxoBrite oxygen cleaner
3. Extra cold rinse
4. Dry on high in dryer (most recommend sun but my laundry line is still in the box, hopefully we can put it out next spring)

This is what worked for us.  I will forever sing the praises of coconut oil because I saw how quickly it brought Levi relief... and it's super CHEAP compared to other diaper creams!  I hope your baby never gets a yeast rash, but if they do, I hope this blog helps you!!

Levi you are 8 months old!

Levi you are 8 months old. You weigh 17lbs and 3.5oz. You still insist on doing the army crawl and show no interest in being on all fours. You are pulling up on lots of things and love standing in your crib. You babble an awful lot, and I think you've said "bye bye" a couple of times on purpose, but I can't prove it! You love to clap your hands...

But this is your latest trick! You show no signs of understanding any of the baby sign language we've tried to teach you, but you can do touchdown! We are still breastfeeding part-time, and you have bitten me with your ONE tooth once that actually injured me. THAT wasn't fun. You are eating more solids at night, and though you don't like every food the same, the only thing you absolutely refuse to eat is bananas. You have had a pretty nasty cold for the last couple of weeks. You had a cough settle in to your chest and you've been taking breathing treatments in the morning and before bed. I think you've almost kicked it though!

Your First Thanksgiving

Pulling up!

Sweet boy

Levi you are 7 1/2 months old... and your mommy is a slacker!

Levi is doing all kinds of fun things these days. He has perfected the Army crawl that looks more like the butterfly stroke on dry land. Whatever it is, it works to get him where he wants to go... which is usually the power strip where the keyboard is plugged in or straight to the dog water bowl! Yek! He started clapping his hands on Halloween. I put him on the floor so that I could put my costume on and when I looked down at him, he was sitting there clapping! :)

Since I blogged last about Levi, he's gone on 2 big trips (one on a plane), had his first big fever :(, had 3 haircuts, gone to 1 wedding, 2 funerals :(, and 1 football game. We lost our sweet GP in September, he will be sorely missed. He did get to meet and love on his great-grandson though. Matt's friend from high school's step father also died. I was working, so Matt dressed Levi up and took him to the funeral solo. Here's a pic of Levi and GP:

Levi went with us to a wedding in Maryland, his first plane trip, where he promptly got a horrible fever as soon as we arrived. His fever lasted about 24 hrs and at times was over 104. We didn't know that until after we got a thermometer though! **PS Don't get a flu shot within a week of anything important. The pediatrician said that side effects can appear up to 1 week after (about the time Levi got his fever).

Yes, Levi has had 3 haircuts! I know it's bad luck, but the kid's hair was out of control! I had to cut it before his 6 month pictures with Melody Hood b/c there was a really long piece hanging in front of his ear. Then once I cut it, I've had to keep it trimmed because it grows like crazy. Oh well, he's much better groomed!!

Here are some 6 month pics (notice his hair trimmed around his ears):

Hilary came to visit for Halloween:

cutest little Piglet ever!

And 7 month pics:

Whew! Now I'm all caught up and ready for the holiday season!!

Levi you are FIVE months old!

I can't believe my baby is 5 months old! You are turning into such a sweet, cool little person. You are very happy all the time. You love people and will let anyone hold you (which I appreciate when it's time to drop you off at school). This weekend was your first Labor Day Party and Grandma and Grandad's house and you were the star of the show. You let Grandma take you all over the place and meet lots of new people and you never cried once about being away from us. You really are an easy baby!

The Labor Day Party was also our first game day!! We lost this one by 1 point, but we've got lots to build on.

You loved the music!

You love the animals, and Einstein loves you back... not sure about the girls. Isis did love on you the other day until you pulled her tail! Hurley is STILL mad that you took away her Mama and every time you try to pet her, she steps out of your reach.

Your new trick is sitting up! You aren't very good at staying up for a long time, but you can sit up for 20-30 seconds at a time, sometimes longer if you prop yourself up on your arms. You are scooting all over your crib, inchworm style. You don't use your arms, you push with your legs and use your forehead to hold you up. It's SO funny.

Sitting up like a big boy!

We started giving you cereal and you really seem to like it this time. You try to take the spoon away from us! We tried giving it to you a few times when you were 4 months old and you were not ready. You got MAD actually :) I think we are going to try solids soon once you get the hang of cereal.

I measured you about a week ago and you were 26" long! We are looking at big boy car seats, because you will probably outgrow the infant seat in length long before you reach the weight limit. I weighed you about a week ago and you weighed 15lbs 1oz.

Here you are eating your "5 months" sign...

That sweet face melts my heart!

You are a very sweet and cuddly baby boy! You remind me of another little boy that's not so little anymore... SNIFF

The End is Near

No I'm not talking about the East Coast Earthquake, hurricane Irene or any other of the natural disasters that have folks beating down the doors of their local church for fear of the Apocalypse. I'm talking about my breastfeeding journey. My heart is absolutely breaking into pieces as I write this.

As I've said before, breastfeeding was by far the most important thing for me to do for my baby and the one part of being a mother that I looked forward to most. As my 4 regular readers know, it has been anything but an easy journey. Hell, it hasn't even been a bumpy road. It's been an all out mud-crawling-military-obstacle-course-fit-for-a-movie (think Officer and a Gentlemen). After trying everything under the sun to get a full milk supply to come in, I finally came to peace with the fact that I would be a part-time breastfeeder. We had a schedule that worked for us and I really was happy with it, if I couldn't breastfeed exclusively. I had enough to feed Levi any middle of the night feedings, and 2 early morning feedings (around 6 and 8am). These are the least convenient times of day for me to deal with bottles, so really I couldn't complain. He had a supplemental bottle for his 11:30, 3:00 and 6:00 feedings after I breastfed him. And I pumped once after he went to bed, before I retired. This schedule worked for us for a good 2.5 months or so.

I started noticing last week a slight decrease in what I was pumping during the day at work. I had been pumping around 2 oz each session, meaning I was making between 2 and 3 oz per feeding. Levi started pulling off and throwing his head back and whining and fussing during recent feedings, I now know it's because I'm not producing as much milk as I used to. On Tuesday my monthly visitor returned. This is bad news. It means that since going back to work, the breast pump is not doing a good enough job getting milk out to keep my prolactin hormone levels high enough to keep my period away. The more the prolactin levels fall, the less milk I make and the more likely that my visitor will stay. In just two short days my production has plummeted. I don't even think I have enough to get him full in the morning without a bottle now. I barely have anything to give him and he is getting frustrated with the process.

I'm not greedy. Sure I wanted to breastfeed exclusively, but I gave up on that months ago. I just wanted to keep going as we were as long as he and I still wanted to, at least a year. This is all happening so fast. It's so sudden, so early, I'm just not ready for it. My heart is absolutely breaking. I'm hurting in a deeper place than I ever knew my soul to go. I can't feed my baby. My body was made to do this and it continues to fail me at every turn. I try to remind myself that I am grateful. I'm grateful for the medical advancements of the last century. 100 years ago, I wouldn't have a son now. He would have died months ago of starvation. I know that. But it still doesn't take away the pain I feel in this very deep place. I just want to feed my baby. I JUST WANT TO FEED MY BABY!! I want to feed my baby and I can't and I feel like I'm being punished for something I didn't do. This feels so unfair.

Well-meaning friends and medical professionals tell me it will be better next time, my next breastfeeding experience will be a breeze, it will be better with the next baby. That's great, but I'm not trying to feed the next baby. I'm not holding and consoling the next baby. I'm not looking into the frustrated hungry face of the next baby who just wants to nurse and get milk. Nope, I just want to feed THIS baby. We'll worry about the next one when s/he gets here.

I realize I'm a control freak, but why did it have to be this. Why was THIS the avenue to teach me some stupid lesson about letting go, blah blah blah. There's nothing I can do to MAKE my body make milk. And that's just the end of it. Just like that. It's gone and I can't do anything to get it back.

Levi you are 4 months old!!

My sweet GROWING boy! You started rolling over from back to belly regularly on July 28th, just one week before your 4 month birthday. You've rolled over a couple of times from belly to back, but not with any consistency. For now, you roll over onto your belly in your crib, then you get mad about being on your belly so you cry! Most nights you settle down and sleep on your belly, but it depends.

To wean you off the swaddle (which you LOVED and worked like a charm to keep you asleep for the first 3 months), we introduced a "lovie". It's a little animal/blanket that is a grey and white dalmatian. You LOVE sleeping with your lovie. You tuck it under your arm or lay on top of it when you are on your belly. Sometimes you even put it over your face to block out the light so that you can sleep. It's really sweet how much you cuddle with it to go to sleep.

You started school this month. You love your teacher Miss Debbie and all the babies in the class. I can tell you enjoy school and being with the other babies. You even have a little girl friend. She's 8 months old, the little minx, and her name is Delilah. She loves to give you hugs! I appreciate that your school is so close to my office. I try to come to the school and feed you myself about once a week.

You are still very interested in the animals and love to watch them. They were playing the other day and got a little too loud so you yelled at them! They froze in their tracks; it was hilarious! You still love to read books and you help turn the pages. Your favorite game is pat-a-cake. You seem to enjoy bath time sitting in your Bumbo seat (this is not an approved use of the Bumbo, but it works!). I use the little hand held shower attachment on you and you love watching the water spray out and touching it. You even tried to put it in your mouth the other evening and were surprised when you got sprayed in the face. You did this repeatedly and I was cracking up at you!

You are still growing like a weed. This post is a bit late, but you currently weigh 14lbs 10 oz. I think you were around 14lbs 2 oz at exactly 4 mos. I'm so bad for not keeping closer track! You are still very long. We started looking at convertible car seats this week because you are quickly outgrowing your infant carrier. The limit is 30" in length and we are sure you will be there way before you hit the 22lb weight limit!!

We tried feeding you cereal 3 times (one evening, the next morning and evening). You cried a lot so we assumed you weren't ready yet. We will try again soon.

I love you my sweet little boy! I eat your cheeks up daily and get sad thinking about the arrival of the day you won't want my kisses!

always smiling!

I love your fluffy little bum!

haha!! Your funny faces crack me up!

SO BIG!!!

1st bath picture. You love the water!

Levi you are 3 months old!

OK, so you are 3 and 1/2 months old! You actually had your 4 month check-up with Dr. Coffman a little early. You weigh 14lbs 1oz, your head is 16.5" around, and you are 25.5" head to heal! That puts you in the 70th percentile in weight, the 75th in head circumference and the 90th in length!! We have no idea why you are so LONG, Mommy and Daddy (at 5'2" and 5'9") are not tall people!

Things you have been doing for a while now include smiling (since you were 3.5 weeks), babbling and cooing (since you were 6 weeks), laughing at things you think are funny, holding your head up and watching things move around the room, supported sitting, and supported standing. Recently you have noticed our dogs more and you love to watch them. Mommy helps you pet them and it is so sweet. You are kicking your legs during diaper changes and scooting around your crib in your sleep. You have been turning to sleep on your side some and you are really close to rolling over from back to belly. As for belly to back, we may never know, you HATE tummy time! Last week you started putting things in your mouth, and just in the last few days you have discovered your FEET!

Dr. Coffman recommends starting solids at 4-6 months, starting with rice cereal. I think we will wait until you can look more straight ahead while sitting in your Bumbo instead of down. We may have to force some tummy time on you to help with that! You are growing up too fast and we want to punch rewind a little! What a sweet and precious boy you are, we love you so much!

You're getting SO BIG!!

What a looker you are! Mommy calls you a "lady killer"! :)

You are such a happy boy!

I'm so glad I didn't quit

I'm so glad that I didn't give up on breastfeeding. I still don't have a full supply, and Levi takes a supplemental formula bottle after most feedings. I still have to pump AND wash bottles (the most inconvenient parts of each type of feeding). But I'm still glad I didn't quit.

The time I have with Levi when he is breastfeeding is so precious. I love it. It's time that I have him and no one else can give him what I give him. Yes, it comes with it's challenges. Yes, he gets distracted and goes through phases of "playing" with his food that doesn't feel very good. But each phase of difficulty has passed and it's still enjoyable most of the time.

I wish more people would embrace that feeding doesn't have to be one or the other. Breast is definitely best, but when it doesn't work out as a full-time option, I wish that more moms felt ok about doing it part-time. I think the reason that women feel they have to give it up altogether if they can't do it full-time is absolutely the fault of the breastfeeding advocacy community. I've always been a HUGE breastfeeding advocate, and a bit snobish about it (remember). But I think this is where the breastfeeding community gets in its own way. There is so much pressure to breastfeed, that every other form or combination of feeding is shunned. Even with as hard as I tried to make full-time breastfeeding work, knowing that I have NOTHING to be ashamed of, I would still never pull out a formula bottle at a Le Leche League meeting for fear of being burned at the stake. I think that's incredibly unfortunate. Imagine how many more babies could be getting good milk from their mommies, if only their mommies felt ok about breastfeeding part-time!

No, I can't breastfeed exclusively. I deal with feelings of inadequacy and failure almost daily. And I have a hard time referring to myself as a breastfeeding mom without adding, "but I don't make enough milk, so I have to give him a bottle too." I wish none of these things were true. But I keep reminding myself that what he gets from me, no matter how little, is still good for him. And that if I were more narrow-minded about feeding Levi (breast or bottle, one or the other), that I would be missing out on a wonderful experience with my son. I hope that by sharing our journey that more advocates will open their minds and hearts when talking about breastfeeding to moms and moms-to-be. And I hope those who have had similar experiences are encouraged to do what feels right to them, no matter the pressures around them. But remember, feeding is not an all-or-nothing thing. You can do BOTH.

Levi, Levi God Claims You!

If you've never heard this sweet baptism song, you're missing out. I think it's so precious. I sing it to Levi every day as I get him up in the morning and from naps. He just smiles! I've tried to tell him that we are not morning people around here, but he keeps smiling! Even though we didn't sing this song at his baptism, I still love it.

Levi, Levi God claims you.

God helps you, protects you and loves you too.

We this day do all agree,

a child of God you'll always be.

Levi, Levi God claims you.

God helps you, protects you and loves you too.

We your family love you so.

We vow to help your faith to grow.

Levi, Levi God claims you.

God helps you, protects you and loves you too.

Levi was baptized on Sunday in The Vine contemporary service at First Centenary. Lots of family came from out of town, and it was wonderful to share the day with them. I have to brag a little, I made his gown.

It was a proud day for our family

With Hilary, Levi's Godmother

The Needhams

The Blacks

The Trousdales

4 Generations

3 Generations of Black men! :)

Brian told Matt to ask me out, he married us, and now he's baptized our son! He's pretty special to us.

My favorite pic of the day, Levi and Grandad.