The Waiting is the Hardest Part

"You take it on faith, you take it to the heart.

The waiting is the hardest part."

I feel like this is my theme song (by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers). So here goes. I did not clear this blog post with MDH, and he rarely reads it, so don't mention it ok? We are waiting on a lot of things, and it SUCKS. We are waiting for this house to sell so that we can move on with our lives.

Let's face it, I'm approaching 31 and I can't just assume that I have all the time in the world to have children. All I've EVER wanted to be is a mom. Anyone who knows me IRL (that's blog speak for in real life) knows that I am, and always have been, a very maternal person. Motherhood is the deepest desire of my heart, and I will take it in whatever form it comes, but I have a real and deep longing to be pregnant. It's normal, age appropriate, biological, and I'm not going to pretend it's not there anymore, because it is.

I've also been plagued by the fear that I wouldn't be able to have a baby. Infertility is a real problem that many of my friends have faced, and it is a very real fear for me. There is no medical reason that has surfaced to support this fear, but it's real just the same. The thing about fertility is that you don't know whether you can or can't have a baby until you start trying. And we can't start trying until the house sells.

HOUSE = BABY

We can't afford childcare as long as we are paying two mortgages. And we can't afford two mortgages if I'm not working (at home with a baby, eliminating the need for child care).

So we wait. We wait for the house to sell. Because there is nothing else we can do. We wait, and wonder, will we be able to have the family we desire when we are done waiting? Only God knows. In the mean time, we wait. And it sucks.

Waiting...

I'm tired of waiting. For this house

to sell. So that we can get on with our lives.

Speaking of getting on with our lives, Matt has 2 more days of grad school left.

FINITO!!!

Which is making both of us a bit more antsy about the ONE THING that's holding us back.

And we keep trying... and praying

Look at those beautiful azaleas in bloom!!!

The Open House on Sunday did NOT go well. We had one couple, one single lady (who wasn't sure if she wanted to move or not) and 2 ladies from the neighborhood come. No real potential buyers. The ladies from the neighborhood were nice and complimentary. They said now that they had seen the property, they would refer anyone they knew to us.

So after lots of crying (me), and prayer (both), we've decided to pay more $$ and upgrade our online listing to include an MLS (Multiple Listing Service) listing. By doing this, all property searches that use MLS will now return our property in their searches, for hopefully more exposure. We are also offering a 3% finders fee to the buyers agent, so that agents will show our property to their clients without fear that we may not pay them.

For those of you out there that are praying folks, please pray that we find our buyer soon. It's not about the money, but the emotional burden. I've blogged about not being able to sleep, chronic exhaustion, sadness, feeling overwhelmed, etc. It's all STRESS from this HOUSE. Stress can do nasty, nasty things to a person, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Luckily, since God and I had a heart-to-heart on Sunday evening, I've felt much better. Add in my exercise accountability and walking buddy helping me MOVE and work out some of that stress, I feel like a new lady. But it seems cyclical. I'll do well for a while, then get overwhelmed or sad. It's the WAITING and NOT KNOWING and being POWERLESS to do anything that is so BURDENSOME. So those who are so inclined, please send up a prayer for Matt and me while we wait!

Seriously Cool DIY find of the Day!

Confession: I'm addicted to the DIY Network. All of it. Sweat Equity, 10 Grand in Your Hand, and Yard Crashers (more for the host than anything, WHEW Ahmed is hot!) top the list. Because I'm constantly watching DIY, I'm constantly coming up with crap to do to our house(s) UGH!

Our NEW home has a fantabulous bathroom,

with original 2" black and white tile floor

expertly made classic cafe curtain in a lovely damask print

we'll overlook the little sewing accident while making said curtains

and some kickin' artwork (if I do say so myself) courtesy of the LOVELY Melody Hood

One of our projects on the list is to ditch the ugly CREAM (no idea the thought there when the tile was "aged" white) tub and shower surround, replace (if needed) underlying tub, and tile the shower in such a way that pays homage to the rest of the fabulousness in the bathroom. I'm thinking white subway tile with a banded inset of 2" black and white checkered mosaic tile that matches the floor! Ugly tub and shower surround not pictured, because no more people than HAVE to look at it while showering should suffer.

That's a longterm project goal that may never get accomplished if we don't sell THIS house!

However, something that I'm considering doing fairly soon was inspired by the Seriously Cool DIY find of the Day. Obviously being over 70 years old, the original tile and grout on the floor need some TLC.

The era of the home dictated that the tiles were UNsealed, which means that they are stained in some areas. I'm going to try this cleaning technique and pray it works on MOST of the stains.

Then I'm going to PAINT AND SEAL the grout in one step with this product in the Natural Gray color, because that's the main color (other than the stains that are present) that the grout has aged to over time. And with this house, we are doing everything we can to keep the integrity of the Craftsman Style and period in which it was built. It will be labor intensive considering the floor is 2" TILE (think tiny art brush and hands and knees), but will give us pretty, clean grout that is stain-resistant!

The LAST step is to go ahead and seal the tile to prevent further stains. I know this will take away a little from the authenticity of the floor. But it will prevent further staining of the tiles over time, and make the floor a bit more slip-resistant (which is important for a bathroom!). Hopefully by choosing the "Natural Look" Penetrating Sealer they won't look too glossy for the period.

So there you have it! For all you DIYers out there with old, dirty, unsealed (or OLD-sealed) grout, I wanted to share this project. This also may be good for those of you out there trying to breathe life into your grout in order to sell a home! I totally wish I had found this project a month ago or I would have done it in our old house before the Open House tomorrow. OH WELL!

New landscaping!

No, not on the house we live in. We can't do anything there until THIS house sells:

And why wouldn't it sell? There is nothing left to do to it!

I will admit, I had lots of fun at the nursery picking out the flowers for the window box. Hopefully in a couple of weeks you will be able to see them well. There are dark pink geraniums, light purple torenias (clown roses) that will cascade, and 2 vinca vines that will cascade as well. We also got pink petunias for the hanging baskets, and of course the azaleas went in last week (they are a dark pink/light purple like the torenias).

I'm not really a fan of pink, but flowers come in limited colors! I could have done some red today in the window box & hanging pots, but the azaleas were already in and they were PINK so I had to stick with it. I can't have my flowers clashing and looking all crazy.

So now we are officially finished with all the improvements at 146 Lynda Circle. The landscaping was the last thing left to do, and it's finished. I'm so glad. Now if we could just get someone to come look at it! Hopefully our open house on April 11th will go well. If you are in the area, come check it out & bring a buyer with you!

Struggling...

So, obviously I've "fallen off the wagon" with Lent, so to speak. It started out so well, and I was so enthusiastic, but here lately I'm struggling. My Lent was about something that I should be doing all the time, not just for 46 days. I should be focusing on the blessings that I have and the things that are going my way, instead of selfishly obsessing over the things I don't have. I know all of this in my head, but my heart is stubborn like me. And so I struggle.

My struggle is ambiguous. It's hard to describe or pin down into one thing. But it's real just the same. I have a job that I LOVE. I have family and friends that I LOVE. I have the most AMAZING husband that I LOVE and adore with all that I have in me. I have a gorgeous house that I LOVE, with a front porch and a rocking chair that I get to enjoy while I'm working (in a job that I LOVE). I mean look at what we're doing this afternoon:

I am blessed beyond measure, but still I struggle. I'm having a hard time falling asleep, even when I'm exhausted. I'm trying to stay positive about the house we're selling, but look at how long it's been since we started trying to sell it! That's right folks, over 7 MONTHS. UGH. We had it listed with a realtor for 6 months to no avail, and now we are doing it on our own. We've worked really hard in the last few weeks improving the one thing that was consistently lower on the feedback from our showings, curb appeal. We are hosting an open house on Sunday, April 11th 2-4pm. Hopefully something good will come of it.

This is before:

If you can't tell, the foundation and trim are a "country blue" color that I've ALWAYS hated!

This is after:

Taupe foundation and black trim, with landscaping and shutters (those teeny bushes are azaleas). Tomorrow we add a window box under the picture window & hanging plants!

If you know ANYONE in the Chattanooga area looking for a great starter home, that's close to downtown, in an awesome neighborhood in Red Bank (that's county not city taxes people), please send them our way!!! I loved living in this house, and am very attached because I bought it as a single girl. It's a great house that I spent lots of time and money updating and, if I do say so myself, it's a fabulous buy! Here's the link to our listing!!!

In the mean time, I'm going to continue to remind myself how blessed we are that we could even MAKE this move and afford 2 houses so that we could get the house of our dreams while we wait on the perfect buyer (or ANY buyer) for our first home. I'm also going to try and pull myself up out of this funk, with the good Lord's help. Prayers are appreciated, buyers welcome!

SO... I guess all 3 of you want an update huh??

WOW!! It's been a while, sorry.

OLD JOB UPDATE = It's over, finito, done, adios, see ya later, I'm gone! BUT, my super sweet co-workers that appreciated and supported me threw me a going away party. :'-) They even got Matt and I a gift card to Low*s to help us settle into our new home. They rock! Well, most of them rock.

OLD HOUSE UPDATE = Our house is still for sale. We had an offer that came in ironically from a friend of ours (she requested a showing and then figured out by the pictures on our walls in the listing photos that it was our house). The offer was the best that she could do, but not what we needed to even squeak by. Our counter offer was the best we could do, but not something she could afford. So we wait. We all hope that if the house is still on the market in a few months that we will be able to work something out. It would be nice to sell it to a friend that I know will love it like we did.

NEW JOB UPDATE = I HEART MY NEW JOB.

OK fine, I will expound on that statement. My first day I was greeted with, "Jill, we're so glad you are finally here! We are taking you to lunch at Tony's today - I hope that's OK. You don't have other plans do you?" SWEET! All the ladies in the office are really nice, and most of them are in my peer age group. They have staff socials, are all friends on Facebook, and actually like each other.

I'm TOTALLY overwhelmed with all of the training material I have to learn in order to do this job, but practice makes perfect. I finally got completely settled in with the job today with UTC ID card, my own laptop with email that works, shared Google calendar, and my desk has been "moved in" for a while. All I need now is for my new Blackberry Curve to arrive FedEx (supposed to come today, have no idea why it didn't) and I will be SET.

I will be gone to Knoxville for a whole week next week for training (to learn and be certified to train foster parents). We leave Monday and return Friday :( That's the longest Matt and I will have been apart since we got married and it's the week before our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! BUT, I will get a chance to see friends and family that I don't see very often while I'm there.

NEW HOUSE UPDATE = Everything is going along as planned. The inspection and appraisal are done and we expect to close the week after our anniversary and move the next weekend. YAY!!!!! We are blessed that we don't have to wait for our house to sell to go ahead and get into our new one. It isn't the IDEAL situation, but we are ok. Our current house is adorable and will sell when the right buyer comes along. In case you need a reminder as to why we are excited, THIS is our new house!!!


Isn't it adorable?? We just LOVE IT! Now, if only I could motivate myself to pack a few boxes. HMMM.

MARRIED LIFE UPDATE = September 20th is our 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! I can hardly believe it. The first year is full of adjustments, but we have weathered it well, enjoyed 99% of it, and we are immensely blessed. In case you didn't know, I have an AMAZING husband that I love more than I could ever express. He even helps with the dishes and does his own laundry in addition to being good to me. Does it get any better than that??

UPDATE: Life is moving quickly, get out of its way!!!!

First, I know all [2] of you have been waiting on the "big reveal" of our kitchen face lift! Matt worked SO HARD on the new doors and drawer fronts. They really look wonderful and have breathed new life into that tired old kitchen. In addition to the cabinets, I painted the walls a hot new color and put fresh white paint on the wood trim. I was also really sick of all of my cookbooks just stacked on top of our microwave. So we hung a new shelf above the spice rack and it looks FAB if I do say so myself! Without further ado...

BEFORE



AFTER!!!

Second, you all [probably] read about my NEW JOB that I am starting next month. We are both so very excited about this position and what it means for our family. I will be happier and have much more flexibility. I can do paperwork from home or wherever I choose. And because it involves some nights and a few Saturdays, I will have time off during the week to do things like workout, clean and shop while Matt is at work, so that we have quality time at home together. I will also likely have Fridays off with Matt (who has every other Friday off), so that is something else to look forward to.

Third, this NEW JOB also means that we are buying a NEW HOUSE!!! No, I don't get to enjoy my new kitchen for long, but the new owners will (let's hope that the potential buyers love "New Avocado" as much as I do)! Matt and I fell in LOVE with a house down the street from our friends Meghan and Daniel a few weeks ago. We went back and forth about it with the owners, prayed a lot, and decided not to make the move until we knew about the job. We stayed the course with the improvements we wanted to make to get our house ready to sell (hence the kitchen face lift). We knew that if it didn't work out with us getting the new house, at least we would be living in a prettier house than we were before! Here is the flier from our dream house! Now, pray the inspection and appraisal goes the way that we hope!


Now you are all updated on what happened LAST WEEK!!! Matt said on Sunday that he didn't want to start a new week. We'll never top the week we had last week. Our friend Debbie said, "the only thing missing is a baby!" Thanks Debbie, we will wait a while. :)

Redneck Remodel

Most of those that read this know me and know that I bought the house that Matt and I now share 3.5 yrs ago when I moved to Chattanooga. As soon as I bought it, I had 2 main remodeling goals: bathroom & kitchen. Well, I bought it with one of those horrible ARMs and did an 80-20 split to finance the down-payment. It's not that I had bad credit or couldn't afford the house, I just had NO credit. I used the 2 yrs to build my credit and I was one of the lucky ones who was able to refinance and get out from under the ARM before the bottom fell out. When I did, I payed off my credit cards and got some cash back for the bathroom remodel. That was fall 2007.

Well, all that was left was the kitchen, and we all know that kitchens are WAY more hassle and expense to remodel. The main reason (other than the totally non-functional design) is the fact that I had no dishwasher. This is the first place I have EVER lived without a dishwasher, and it happens to be the first home I ever purchased. UGH. Well, it was a pain but it wasn't THAT big of a deal when I was single. I cooked 2-3 times per week, not too many dishes - I could stay on top of it pretty well. I still haven't figured out how you go from 1 person to 2 people in a house and the dishes and laundry multiply by FIVE. This baffles me. I know that I cook about 3-4 times a week, but it seems the dishes have multiplied like freakin' rabbits.

Matt has been unhappy with the dish situation since about week 3 post-honeymoon. UM, HELLO 3.5 YEARS!!! And now that he is in school and can't help with the house work as much, he feels extremely guilty working on school work while I clean (isn't that sweet?). So the other day, he had a genius idea. If we got rid of our washer and dryer, bought the kind that you can stack, then we could put a dishwasher in the space where the washer was and let them all share the water lines and drain pipe. We crunched the numbers and figured out that we could swing it, so we started shopping around and researching the fabulous Energy Star front loading washers and dryers (SWEET, just in time for Earth month!).

Our friends Daniel and Meghan were given a new dishwasher by her grandparents when they got married, and their old one has been sitting in the garage for over a year with no place to put it. We spent date night pricing the W/D we wanted (we are SO blessed to have a Sears outlet store here, it's like scratch and dent appliances for way cheaper) and buying all the fittings and hoses to hook up the dishwasher. We wanted to make sure that the set up worked before we dropped the $$ for the W/D. We got everything hooked up on Saturday for the dishwasher, did the test run, watched and prayed... DOH! That SOB leaked! (Incert explatives here).

Well, by this time we were SO excited and had our hearts SET on getting a dishwasher into the kitchen, we had to get a new one! So we went BACK to the Sears outlet store; paid for our new W/D and dishwasher, loaded the dishwasher in the back of Matt's Eclipse (yes it was funny, no I don't have pictures), and came home. WOOHOO, this is gonna happen! Not so fast. We get the dishwasher in place, leveled with lines connected, and open the door... CRASH. Well, not crash, but the dishwasher is so front heavy that it came flying toward us, back off the ground, and drawers sliding out. This freestanding dishwasher was harder than we thought. So, still wanting to make this happen, this is what we came up with...

Yep, the clips that normally get drilled into the countertop were used to anchor it to the wall with caribeaners and cable running through an eye-screw-thingy (that's a technical term, look it up) screwed into a stud. Matt tested the cable and it holds up his weight, so we assume it will hold a diswasher full of dishes! YES, it is rigged, and NO I DON'T CARE!! I don't ever have to wash dishes by hand again (except for china and pots and pans like everyone else).

After church today, our SWEET friend Daniel gave up his afternoon to help us haul off the old dishwasher to the dump and pick up our W/D with his truck! Then he stayed around to help us hook it all up because he bought a set similar to ours when he moved in to his house.

So, without further ado (drumroll, please), our redneck remodel...


Checkout the waterlines and drain rig:


Please don't call building codes on us (although I wouldn't have done this if I didn't think it was safe). This is only a temporary fix. We plan to do a TOTAL kitchen remodel, maybe even take down a wall, in a year or so. This will just get us by until then, so that dishes don't rule our lives. Daniel had a great idea of hanging a shelf or two for laundry stuff and, putting up a spring rod with a curtain to hide "the rig". I think we are going to do that in a few weeks (after Matt's semester is over). WOOHOO!!!